17 Years...

On April 10 Rio and I celebrated 17 Years of marriage!  In this day and age I would say that is pretty darn good!  We had family photos done that day, here are some pics...

Tessa 6, Colton 14, Tyler 18, Margo, Rio

SEVENTEEN YEARS!  Like everyone else we have had our ups and downs but one thing that has never changed (only gotten stronger) is our love for each other.  Rio and I never fight...never.  There is nothing in life worth fighting about.  We are each others best friend and through thick and thin we are here to stay!  I love you baby!  You are the BEST thing that ever happened to me.

Tyler turned 19 on May 11.  He is currently working, finally, but he needs to find something that pays better and is full time.  He still hasn't decided what he is doing with his life and watching him struggle breaks my heart.  On the other hand, I hope he gets his sh** together soon and does something...ANYTHING!  He is very unique in the way he thinks & he doesn't discuss feelings or even life in general with us so it's hard to know what's going on with him most of the time.  Regardless, he is still one of the most handsome young men I have ever seen!

Colton turned 15 on May 1.  He has spent the past few months back and forth between home and St. George, where his friends from Tuacahn are.  His friends have come to stay with us also...at one time we had FIVE teenage boys staying in our 2 bedroom apartment with us...lots of food, lots of dirty dishes & laundry...good time!  Colton is very free spirited, has long hair, wears bandanas & peace signs & thinks he is a hippy.  He hasn't got a care in the world...wish I was like that!  We are not sure whether he will attend JHS this fall or if we will home school him.  Main stream school is not the place for Colton, he does not do well there.

Tessa will turn 7 in August.  Auntie Elka still watches her for me during the day.  She has fun playing with Jaeger, Gauge, Malena & the neighborhood kids.  She is still shy sometimes but a fun loving girl who is VERY ATTACHED to her parents.  She wants to go anywhere & everywhere with her daddy, even to work!  She is tender hearted, very sensitive & seems to have seperation anxiety if she isn't with one of us.  She doesn't even like to sleep at other people's houses anymore, she says she will miss us too much.  I sometimes wonder if the past 2 years of stress in our lives have have left her feeling insecure or un-secure.  She spends all of her time with us, we are quite the threesome!

I love my family, as dysfunctional as we are!  We may not be perfect, but no one is, and I am learning to accept that more each day. 

HAPPY 17 YEARS!

Surgery outcome...

I went in for surgery on Thursday April 29, 2010. I checked in at 8:00 am. They took me to pre-op at 9:20 am where I stayed until they wheeled me to surgery just before 11:00 am. As previously noted I would not know the outcome until AFTER surgery, which was very scary!

I explained to the anesthesiologist that I always have severe nauseau and vomitting from the anesthesia so he said he would give me something for that. When I woke up in post op I felt suprisingly well! I heard the nurse say I was going up to the post op floor but that I would be going home today so I figured it had gone well, although at that point I didn't know exactly what had been done.

When I got up to the post op floor Rio explained that when the Dr. came and talked to him she told him that once they got in there she could not locate the mass. She even had someone go get the x-rays from the ultrasounds and MRI so she could ensure she was looking in the right place. She was, and the mass was not there! What she found was that my right ovary was slightly deformed. She took a piece of it for biopsy and the initial report was that it was not cancerous so nothing needed to be removed. She did find a small amount of scar tissue from having my tubes tied 6+ years ago and she corrected that. She explained to Rio that could have caused the pain I was having but since it was such a small amount of scarring she would be surprised if that was the reason for the pain.

From the first ultrasound in October 2009 to the 2nd ultrasound in Feb 2010 to the MRI in late Feb 2010 the mass was there...but from Feb to the time I had surgery at the end of April, it apparently disolved or whatever it is they do...any how, it was not there when she went in to remove it!

I felt great after surgery and went home about 3:30 pm that day. I went right back to eating regularly and was told to rest as much as I could and no heavy lifting or housework. Well...sitting around doing nothing is REALLY hard for me. I get up at 7:00 am and get Tessa ready for school and Rio takes her. Once they leave I go back to sleep for a few hours and then tried to just lay around and rest as much as I could, which is really hard for me! I don't want to get into the habit of sleeping late for when I have to go back to work.

I had a one week follow up yesterday, Thursday May 6, 2010. The nurse did a thorough exam and said she couldn't believe how well I was healing for 2 weeks out. I said "It's only been a week", she looked at me like "WHAT"? and then checked my chart. I said "My surgery was one week ago today" (I should have kept my mouth shut). She said "Wow you are healing so well, your not even swollen and your incisions are healing so well"! She said I could go back to normal activity but when I asked about work she would only release me to go back part time next week since it's only been a week...UGH! (Told you I should have kept my mouth shut)!

Anyway, I am so very grateful and blessed that it turned out as well as it did. I didn't have to have anything removed and the final biopsy showed everything was benign so all is good. At first I felt like I had done the surgery for no reason but I would rather know than wait 6-8 months and then find out it was cancer and it had spread. This way I know that it wasn't cancer and I can move forward without questioning it everyday!

Of course my wonderful husband, Rio, has been so great! He takes care of everything while I heal and although I was told to take it easy for 3-4 weeks I have done some laundry and then cleaned house tonight because I just CAN'T sit around doing nothing...I am incapable of it I guess.

I am blessed, very happy and so thrilled at the outcome! I am indeed a very lucky, blessed woman!

Mexico & surgery...

I just spent the most AWESOME week in Mexico at Rui Mayan Palace! My friend at work was part of President's Club and won a trip to Mexico for 2 and she brought me with her... Woot Woot! We had such a GREAT time...laying on the beach or by the pool. We did do one day on Cozumel, took a ferry over, went to Chankanaab Park to see the Sea Lions and Dolphins. Not sure it was worth it but it was ok. Did one day on the Zip Line...it was awesome! Did 12 Zip Lines (so much fun but oh so sweaty and muggy)! Then took a Mexican Limosouine (Army type truck) to the Cenote...a healing pool. Did the Zip Line into the water, so refreshing! Then they took us back to have chicken taco's...so yummy! It was a really great day.

Bought gifts for everyone while in Mexico. Shell necklaces, sterling silver bracelets, and other goodies. I had such a great time and am so thankful to my friend for taking me! Loved the resort (where EVERYTHING was free!) and even loved the sunburns even when we used 45 sunscreen everyday! Ate and drank too much but had SUCH a GREAT time!

I am going in for surgery tomorrow for the mass next to my right ovary that they can't identify. They will go in, take out the mass & quickly run it to Pathology. If the preliminary report shows cancer they will do a complete Hysterectomy, if not they will take out only what they have to. It could last anywhere from 1.5 to 3.5 hours in surgery...fun stuff!

I am scared about this...what if it's cancer? I really don't want to have a Hysterectomy at 39 years old! But it's out of my hands at this point so we will see what happens tomorrow.

So glad I got a week in Mexico before all this...had such great time! Wish me luck tomorrow! I will post pics of Mexico soon!!! Hugs!

Pictures

Figured I would put up a few pictures since it's been a while...

February 2010 - Sacramento for Ellie's baptism

Me & Ellie on her special day

Margo, Anna, Brenda, Megan, Brooke
I had to borrow the dress since I don't own any since I lost weight!

The Bostwick sisters - Anna, Margo, Megan, Brooke
Do we look anything alike?
...and NO, the church didn't fall in when I entered it...

Tessa's Great Brain report on Yorkies

1st Grade - 6 years old

We brought our Yorkie, Dot & one of her babies, Tripoli - he is 2 now, we borrowed him for the afternoon. Of course Tessa wants to keep him!

Tessa, Tripoli, Dot

Do I really look that old and that tired? YIKES!

My medical issues...

A little back history (this may be TMI for some so be warned)...

I had my tubes tied on August 12, 2003, the same day Tessa was born. I knew I was done having children (Tessa was a HUGE surprise) AND I was having a C-Section due to high blood pressure and toxemia so it was easy to get them tied at that time.

I suffered from AWFUL, very painful, very heavy periods in the years after my tubes had been tied. I had never had problems with periods before. My periods previous to having my tubes tied had always been normal, same time every month, not too heavy, they didn't lay me up like they do to some women. So having them change so drastically was very difficult for me.

In November 2007 I had an Endometrial Ablation, here is the definition...
Endometrial ablation is a procedure that uses a lighted viewing instrument (hysteroscope) and other instruments to destroy (ablate) the uterine lining, or endometrium. The endometrium heals by scarring, which usually reduces or prevents uterine bleeding.

I have not had a period since having this procedure done, which has been a relief. My body still has "cycles", I just don't have to deal with periods, cramping, headaches, etc.

In October 2009, I had extreme pain in my pelvis on the right side. It felt alot like period cramps for a few days and then went away. About a week later it came back. I was concerned so I went to Instacare thinking I had a Urinary Tract Infection (although to my knowledge I have never had one before). I was told that I had the cleanest urine they had ever seen...LOL. They recommended I see my Gynecologist, which was what I already planned on doing. I had researched my symptoms online so I knew there were many things it could be.

I called my GYN who set me up to have a pelvic ultrasound. The ultrasound results showed a small mass next to my right ovary, origin unknown. They said it could be any number of things, a fibroid, a dermoid, uterine lining, etc. They recommended I give it 8-12 weeks and then have another ultrasound to see if it had cleared up on it's own.

I had another ultrasound on Februrary 2, 2009. The results showed that the mass was still there although it was a little bit smaller than previously, origin still unknown. The recommendation was that I have an MRI to determine what it was. Of course this is fairly common in alot of women and doesn't necessarily mean cancer but they couldn't say for sure that it wasn't the big "C" so I scheduled an MRI.

I had an MRI on February 24, 2010. The report showed that once they administered the contrast, the tumor "lit up", meaning it was vascular. They still could not say whether it was benign or cancerous or where it came from. The Radiologist recommended waiting 6-8 months then having another MRI but because I have pain in that area every few weeks my GYN recommended that I see a Gynecological Oncologist. This scared me, I worked for Oncologists way back in the day and I saw alot of very sick people with cancer coming in to get chemo each week. I had maintained a sense of calm about all of this but now I was scared.

On March 10, 2010 I saw the GYN Oncologist, Dr. Z. She spent a lot of time with me, reviewed the MRI results, did a thorough exam and then proceeded to tell me that although there were many things it could be, most of them benign, she couldn't say with 100% certainty that it wasn't cancer. She basically left the decision up to me...wait a few months, watch it and see what happens or go in laposcopically with a camera and find out what it is. I am not comfortable leaving it there, not knowing what it is.

If they go in and determine it's cancer, they will remove everything, a complete hysterectomy. If they go in and determine that it's benign, they will remove only what they need to in order to get it out. Depending on what it's attached they could end up removing just an overy, or possibley and overy and my uterus...they just don't know until they get in there.

Since I am under 40 (barely) they prefer to leave the ovaries in place if they can. Hormone Replacement Therapy can be brutal so they don't want to remove ovaries unless they absolutely have to.

I decided I want them to go in and find out what it is and take it out. A few hitches...I have a trip to Mexico scheduled in April (free trip! more on that later) and since I have never been there, never really been anywhere, I really want to go. Dr Z said we can do it after I get back. I am scheduled for surgery on April 29th. I won't know the outcome until AFTER it's all done which is pretty scary. That also makes it hard to plan for time off from work since if I have a complete hystorectomy I will need 4-6 weeks off. I also found out that during open enrollment at work, I neglected to sign up for Short Term Disability (you have to pay for it now?!?) so I won't be able to take STD which means my time off will be unpaid...NOT GOOD when we are already struggling just to live these days!

Which leads me to second thoughts...since we can't afford for me to take 6 weeks off unpaid, do I just put it off, watch it over the next 6-8 months and hope it's not cancer? What if it is and it spreads in 6-8 months??? So many thoughts, so many decisions! I am crazy busy at work, what happens if I have to take 4-6 weeks off, will I lose my job? My health should be the most important thing but because of our constant struggles, it can't be...YIKES!

I am scared, confused, upset, ticked off...so many emotions surrounding this. But if I wait and it's cancer and it compromises my health or even leads to death, where does that leave my family? What to do, what to do...

For now, I am scheduled for April 29th...if that changes I will let you know. Why does it have to be this difficult? Why do I have to choose between my health and supporting my family. It's overwhelming, frustrating and scary!

2 yr "SURGIVERSARY" and catching up...

My 2 year Weight Loss Surgiversary was 1/7/10. I had my 2 year follow up on 2/2/10. I originally lost 110 lbs in 11 months and have maintained the weight loss for 16 months now! My blood work, vitamin levels & protein levels were FABULOUS! My Dr. said I am doing great! I hope to be able to maintain the weight loss long term! I've said it before and I will say it again..."Weight Loss Surgery is the best gift I ever gave myself"!


Dec 2009 - we moved into a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment that I like to call "the ghetto". Our house may have been old and "white trash", but our apartment just takes that up a notch! The are so many unique features to it...like the toilets that lean to one side, the shower that turns on when you try to run a bath, the cabinets that are hanging by a thread in the kitchen, the putrid "sewer" smell that seems to permiate within the walls, the heater that runs 24/7 but mostly blows cool air, the list goes on and on...


On a side note, Yes, I am thankful we have a roof over our head and that we can afford it (barely). We didn't realize the boys would be coming home for good when we rented it or we might have looked for something bigger...although we probably couldn't have afforded anything else. For now, Tessa shares a room with us, which isn't much different from when we lived at my sister's, Colton sleeps in Tessa's room, the boys clothes and belongings are in Tessa's room & Tyler sleeps on the couch...good times I'm tellin' ya...good times! I finally re-arranged some things yesterday to make better use of some wasted space so that Tessa had better access to some of her things that had been in the bedroom the boys now occupy.


We desperate wanted Colton to stay in SG at Tuacahn, it really is the best school for him. Due to some health issues my mom had and the fact that having 2 teenage boys was more than I think she thought it would be, we decided it was best to bring him home. He is back at his old Middle School, which he hates. He is there on a permit since we no longer live in that area. He has already been in trouble for being argumentative & not completing assignments. He was given until midterm, first week of March, to get grades up and he can't be sent to the office anymore or they will revoke his permit. He did get a few of his grades up and is working on the others so they have allowed him to stay...for now. I got a call last week that he was sent to the office for leaving class without permission (the class was going from the library back to the classroom and he detoured to the restroom). I know Colton can be very difficult but the only referrals he has had to the office are all from the same teacher, I can't help but wonder if she has it out for him. The Vice Principal that called me last week said that most likely they will revoke his permit at the end of the quarter. If that happens, I will come UNHINGED! The only option at that point will be to put him in the middle school where we live now for the last 2 monts of this school year AND I doubt that will even be worth it. Then I'm sure that JHS will not take him on a permit for High School next year since he will be labeled a "naughty kid"!


Colton is not a bad kid, neither is Tyler for that matter, they just have their own way of doing things or thinking things should be done. That isn't necesarily bad, it's just hard to deal with sometimes. In the world we live in after we graduate from HS, people are thought highly of when they can "think outside the box". As much as my kids have been taught to respect authority, we also don't believe in stifling their creativity and we want to give them the chance to discover for themselves who they really are, not to live the way other people "expect" them to.

Colton lives very much in the now and gets caught up in the moment and doesn't think ahead to what the consequences may be (we had this confirmed for us by a highly respected brain doctor last year. He is very opinionated, but argues because he wants to convince you to see it the way he sees it, which can be VERY frustrating. He is getting better at realizing that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and he needs to respect that.


Tyler on the other hand is so afraid of rejection, being embarrassed and being told NO, that it seriously hinders any attempts he makes to get a job or do much of anything in life right now. He would rather apply online, which is fine, but then he doesn't follow up because he doesn't want to "bug" people. I understand this, I was much the same way when I was younger, but I'm sure that getting my first job at 14 years old helped squash some of that. When I think back to where I thought Tyler would be at this point in his life, I NEVER imagined the changes that would take place in him during his last year of high school. He seems lost and we do our best to help guide him but again, he HAS to figure things out for himself. I think we have been very patient, even though it's very frustrating and heartbreaking to watch. Tyler is not one to tell us his feelings or thoughts & confronting him goes absolutely no where so we wait & hope & pray that he finds his way soon.


It's unfortunate when people feel the need to tell us how they would handle things if it were "their" kids or give us advice we did not ask for, especially when they don't have children as old as ours or they have no children at all. People can say they would "kick their kids out" or "cut them off" but could they really? Did they have their lifes all figured out when they were 18 and 14? I know I sure didn't!


Do you turn your back on your oldest because he has been diagnosed as bi-polar but is old enough not to take his meds or see a counselor if he doesn't want to and is struggling to figure out who he is and who he wants to be? Do you turn your back on your middle child, who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8 and struggles so hard to learn that school is pure torture for him? Do you turn your back on them because they make choices that you don't agree with? Or do you allow them to continue on their own path, even if you have to watch them stumble but you know that in the end who and what they become is up to them?


I ask myself everyday "where did we go wrong"...there is no answer to that question for any parent. Did we spoil our kids, give them too much, give in too often, not set enough rules? Maybe. Do we continue to support them, even when they do things we don't agree with? Yes because we LOVE them, faults, mistakes and all. Would they be better off if we had raised them in the church? Maybe...who really knows???? What I do know is the past is the past, there is no guarantee for the future and all we can do is live each day to the best of our ability. I strive to do that and to be thankful everyday for what I DO have.


I know I'm rambling...as usual my mind is filled with so much! Thank goodness my blog doesn't have many followers...LOL, it's more a journal for myself than anything. My heart is often very heavy because I feel that at this age things should feel more secure in life. These are tough times for so many and I know there are many out there worse off than us. On the other hand I often find myself asking why there are others that have so much, when we have so little. Why does it seem that we have had more than our fair share of struggles, especially the past 2 years, while others don't seem to struggle at all? When I get these thoughts, I immediately feel guilty for not being content with what I do have. My mind never stops going in circles around these things, it's very frustrating some times. I AM very blessed with so much, a wonderful supporive husband who loves me unconditionally, healthy children, good job, great family and friends. I am indeed blessed.


I do have some worrisome health news regarding myself, which I will write about seperately since this post has become so long. Going to relax with my sweet Rio and beautiful Tessa. Love to you all and hope life is treating you well.

Tessa Lou Lou's surgery day...

Tessa had surgery today. She has a condition called Reflux. When urine empties into your bladder there are flaps, one on each side of your bladder, that close once the urine has emptied into your bladder. Tessa's flaps don't close which causes urine to run back up the tubes to her kidneys. This causes infections and can ultimately cause kidney damage. Tessa was diagnosed with this condition 3 years ago. Ultimately we have been waiting to see if she would outgrow it or whether it would correct itself, as in some cases it does. When she had her yearly tests in September the Dr finally said that it was time to correct it.

There were two options for surgery, one option ensures only a 75-80% success, the other option ensures 97% but is more invasive. We decided that if we were going to do it we were going to do option 2 in order to give her the best chance of success.

The first procedure she had done today is called a Cystoscopy, they go in with a scope, that has a lens and a light, inserted into the bladder through the urethra to look for abnormalities. They did this on the right side because that side wasn't as bad. They then correct the abnormalities that they find, which is not too major (they don't really know how bad it will be until they are in there).

The other procedure she had done today is called a Ureteral reimplant where they repair the backward flow of urine from the bladder to the kidney. They did this on her left side. She has a small incision just above her pubic bone.

We opted not to give Tessa much information about what was going to happen today because she already has such awful anxiety that we knew she would have a come apart. We told her (yesterday) that we had to go to the hospital for more tests and that they would put her to sleep like they do for the tests she has had before. She was actually pretty ok with it. We asked that she be given Versaid today to help her relax before they took her back to surgery because normally when she has testing done I go in with her. Since I wouldn't be able to go in with her this time we knew that would upset her (she has had really bad seperation anxiety the last little while - not even wanting to sleep over at her BFF's house because she will "miss us too much" - not sure if this is a result of all the stress in our lives the past year or moving from our house to my sister's to recently moving to an apartment...).

The surgery was almost 2 hours long and everything went fine. She was very weepy & agitated coming out of the anesthesia so they gave her something to help calm her down and we were in Post op for quite a while since she was asleep. We left our apartment at 5:45 AM this morning for surgery and got back home around 12:00 noon.

Once we got home and started on her pain medication she seemed to be doing ok except that she kept saying she was sick to her stomach and was going to throw up. Then she started itching and she was all over the place...playing or walking around one minute and then crying and complaining of pain the next. I expected this, it's common after anesthesia. At around 8:30 PM after her 3rd dose of pain meds (1/2 dose); she finally threw up so we called the Dr. and got something for nausea. She had only slept about 1/2 hour in the 8 1/2 hours we had been home today so the pain meds most likely need to be changed to something different. I will have to call the Dr. tomorrow and discuss it with him.

Here are some pictures of her big day...

Being goofy in the first room we were in while she had vitals taken and changed into "hospital" jammies.

The child advocate (not sure if that is the correct term) explaining to Tessa about the gas mask, the IV, the pulse ox, etc. Tessa got bored with this after a few minutes but she did get to pick out Watermelon smell for her gas mask and said she wanted to be wheeled to surgery in a wagon, not a wheelchair...LOL

Recovery room with her dog "Snowy". She was NOT happy and just wanted to go home! At this point she still did not really understand that she had had surgery. She was very groggy and agitated, they gave her meds to calm her down and she was just starting to fall back to sleep.

On our way home. This was while I was at the Pharmacy Kiosk getting her medication filled.

Just got home & settled onto mommy's bed. She is checking out the gas mask that they let her keep (she had asked if she could have it when she met with the child advocate lady).

Finally crashed at about 9 PM after puking up her pain meds!

We spent most of the afternoon watching her movies, counting the change in her piggy banks, playing with her beads and rocks and having her tell me over and over again "I wish I didn't have to have surgery, this is the worst day ever"! When we first got home today, when she was finally awake enough to understand, I explained that the pain she was having (she kept saying it hurt) was the incision. I explained that she had an owie where the Dr. did surgery to fix the problems so she won't have infections anymore. It's pretty difficult for a 6 year old to understand the whole "bladder infection" thing let alone the surgery that was done.

As she got weepy a little while later she said "I wish you didn't sign me up for surgery"! I almost laughed out loud...LOL! She has voiced that a few times today but I keep trying to explain that it will help so she won't get infections anymore.

Anywhoooo....all in all she is doing well and I hope her recovery continues to go well. I hope she will get lots of rest tonight and that the nausea meds will help her so she can still take her medicine for pain.

It's a scary thing to have your child (or any family member, etc) go under anesthesia. I am so thankful and feel very blessed that everything went well. I know she will rebound well, she is resiliant and amazing!

Holidays...

Still a few lbs under goal weight and almost 2 years post WLS!!! This amazes me since I have not been eating well or taking care of myself nearly as well as I should!

Wow I am behind on blogging, just like everything else these days! I didn't even attempt to get Christmas cards out this year...just. wasn't. happening!

Quick updates...
We finally moved into an apartment almost 2 weeks ago. We went from our "white trash" house to a "ghetto" (but very affordable) apartment...LOL! We lived with my sister & her hubby for 3 1/2 months...we can't thank them enough for helping us in our time of need!

Tyler & Colton both moved back from SG last weekend. Tyler had been working down there and Colton had been attending Tuacahn High School. It was harder on all of us than any of us thought it would be & my mom has had some health problems over the past few months, so we decided to bring Colton home. We struggled with him not being able to finish the school year at Tuacahn because he really liked it there, was doing well and had made great friends. We looked at other options as far as living arrangements that would allow him to finish the year down there but we ultimately decided that it's just ALOT for anyone to take on so we brought him home. Our apartment is not in the boundries for the school he last attended up here but yesterday I was able to obtain a permit for him to go back to school there for the remainder of the year. We had looked at other charter school options also but most wouldn't take a new student mid year. Colton is not especially thrilled about going back to his old school but at this point it's the best option we have.

As always it seems that so many things are "up in the air"...like juggling 20 balls at once. We can't ever seem to get even one issue resolved before another pops up. Last weekend as I was still unpacking, trying to get things put away, putting up the Christmas tree and babysitting my nephews & neice...I was THIS CLOSE to a breakdown! That happened at the same time that my brother, my dad and Rio's parents stopped by! It wasn't so much all the people that were there, it was me being OVERWHELMED with everything I needed to get done! My mental psyche has really taken some big hits this past 12-18 months with everything that has gone on & I constantly marvel at my ability to get through each day...LOL!

The apartment we rented is a 2 bdroom, 2 bath...we didn't realize the boys would be moving home at the time we rented it. So...the boys are "sharing" Tessa's room, with only 1 twin bed, the other sleeps on the couch. Tessa sleeps with us, which she has pretty much done for years anyway haha! It's a little crowded but we are all very rarely home at the same time so it's working ok so far.

The holidays have never been as difficult for me as they are this year. We are broke, we just moved, it's 2 days before Christmas and I am still not sure how we will purchase gifts for the kids! We are up to our foreheads in debt, we lost our house, our 2 oldest haven't quite figured out what they are doing in life, this list goes on and on....BUT...at the same time there are so many things to be thankful for and I work hard to remind myself of that everyday!

We are healthy, we have a roof over our head, food on our table and clothes on our back. We have loving family & friends who are always there for us. I have THE BEST husband in the world...he is so amazing that there are not words to describe him. I would be lost without him!

So...Happy Holidays to all...I hope you are faring well in these tough times. Love ya!

Updates...

118 lbs lost; 8 lbs UNDER goal weight! Stress will do that to ya! I used to EAT, EAT, EAT when I was stressed...now I have learned not to. The flip side is that I am not eating as well as I should nor getting enough water in. I have been sick alot lately so my body is definately not happy with me...but I just keep plugging along!

I am way behind...so much going on the past few months that I haven't even known where to start as far as updates. I will try to keep it short.

We lost our house (crappy economy / long story) but I pretty much see it as a blessing in disguise; a chance to start over. Anyone who knows us knows that we HATED the house we lived for the past 8 1/2 years. It's a long story how we came to be there but the reason we stayed was for our kids and we really do love the area. They boys were getting older and wanted to attend the middle school/high school with their friends...so we stayed. The house was VERY old and although we did some renovations over the years we could never get it completely done and the parts we would get done would end up having problems (water leak) and we would have to tear them out. It was a disaster and I am glad to be out of there.

The downside...we are currently living with my sister and her husband (the downside being that they have to put up with us!). We are so thankful to them for letting us crash there. Since the boys are both in SG it's just me, Rio & Tessa. My sis has a very nice large room in her basement that we share. It's big enough for a bed, dressers, TV, computer desk, etc. and has a nice large closet. It's working out fine and I hope we aren't too much of a burden on them. They are so kind to take us in until we can find a place of our own again.

Tessa started 1st grade in September. Week nights are hectic! Monday = soccer games. Tuesday = dance class. Wednesday = gymnastics. Friday = soccer practice. Weekends usually entail at least one sleep over! Just one kid at home right now and I can barely keep up! All the weeknight stuff takes place after working all day so it can make for long days! She is still our sweet girl and she keeps us smiling!

Colton is doing well in SG. He likes the high school and has made friends. He still misses us and his friends up here of course but he is learning alot down there. He is working hard to complete his community service (125 hours by Dec 1st - sentance was given on 8/26/09). My mom keeps him on his toes...he is getting better at chores; helping around the house; completing his homework; cleaning up after himself; being responsible, etc. He is still our big hearted, loving, stubborn Colton! He visited for a weekend recently and I didn't see him much but that's ok. He had a nice time with his friends. Rio has been down to SG quite a bit for work so he sees him alot. I hope to be able to visit down there soon.

Tyler...where to start...moved to Hawaii at the end of July; found out it was too late to register for school; decided to come back so he could attend Dixie State. After a NIGHTMARE experience trying to get him a flight home he started school a few days late so they had dropped his classes. He got that straightened out and has been living with my mom also (poor Brenda has her hands full)! He visited a few weekeends in a row up here in SLC and I could tell he wasn't doing well. He NEVER talks to us about anything so it's hard to know what's up with him most of the time. He commented that he didn't like Dixie and as I dug harder I discovered that he felt he didn't fit in anywhere. Because of some past history with him, genetics and some other factors I finally convinced him to see a Dr. in SG because I suspected his depression was worse than we knew. The doctor diagnosed him as Bi-Polar, Type 2 (emotional depression) and started him on medication. It's only been a few weeks & he doesn't spend much time at my mom's so it's hard to know if anything is improving. In the meantime we hadn't been able to pay his tuition or work on getting any type of financial aid or loans so his classes got dropped. He is due in court this week to receive his sentance for the "stolen ring" incident earlier this year. We are extremely worried about him. Rio actually went to spend some time in SG this week to see if we can help get him headed in the right direction. He is actually back at Dixie State now taking 2 classes so that he will still qualify for his (small) scholarship for next semester. I imagine he will be sentanced to ALOT of community service hours and on top of that we have been encouraging him to get a job. This is a tough time in a person's life and we are trying to support him while encouraging him to be more responsible and learn to take care of himself and not rely on us so much. His diagnosis makes it difficult because we don't know as much about it as we need to; I have been doing some research though. But Tyler won't go to counseling either which I think would help alot. It's frustrating and sad and breaks my heart to see my children suffering!

I want to "fix" everything for everyone and I can't and it KILLS me!

So much going on this past year or so; so many emotions; so many ups & downs (more downs than ups!). It's a roller coaster ride and I am hanging on for dear life!

I try to stay positive but it's not easy. Some days I wonder what I did to deserve all the CRAP - if I knew what I had done or who I had offended I would apologize and make it right. Other days I am somewhat at peace knowing that everything happens for a reason and I am where I am supposed to be. Easier said than done most days!

BUT...I love my family, I have the BEST husband in the world and he loves me and that's all that matters. We WILL get through this and move forward...there is no other option!

Pictures...

Tyler, Colton, Tessa (holding Dot), Rio, Me

Bostwick family reunion

Jordanelle, July 2009

This is the last family photo we had taken before Tyler moved to Hawaii & Colton moved to St. George for school!

Tessa, August 2009

She has her own unique sense of style.

She found this "skull cap" in the men's section at Walmart and HAD to have it!

Take special notice of the new high top Sketchers that are VERY bright & the socks pulled up to the knees...very reminiscent of the 80's...LOL! Gotta love this kid!!

Tessa's 6th Birthday - August 12, 2009. Love the "press on" nails? She wore these for a day or two but hated the sticky feeling on her nails when we pulled them off!

Tessa's 6th Birthday with her cousins & friends. We had so many people over it was standing room only! She is a very lucky girl to have so many people that love her!

Our family is really very lucky to have so many wonderful friends and family. They showed up in droves for Tessa's party and she got so many fabulous, thougthful gifts. She has a very small bedroom made even worse by how much "stuff" she has in it (can you say spoiled?). Since the boys are now gone I have been trying to move a few things down to the family room in the basement so her room isn't stuffed to the gills!

Tessa starts 1st grade next week...holy hannah!!!! My baby is growing up so fast!

BTW...Tyler is headed home from Hawaii. It was too late to register for school over there. I tried to tell him to just get a job, work & save money and then go to school next semester but he wanted to come home & go to Dixie (which starts in a week). So he will be home some time tomrorow. I'm anxious to see if there is more to the story...I don't think he was real comfortable with his dad & his dad's wife but I could be wrong. Tyler is "HM" (high maintenance) and likes things "just so"...so when things don't work out exactly like he thinks they should he gets anxious...which in turns causes me major anxiety! We don't know exactly where he will live in SG or how he will get around...so much to figure out in the next few days!

Colton enjoyed his first week at Tuacahn High School and has already made some friends. Old habits die HARD though and as much as we hoped he was done with certain things...apparently he isn't! He wants so badly to be in charge of his own life and make his own decisions...I keep telling him that until he is 18 WE make the decisions for him and apparently he can't make good decisions anyway! *SIGH*...the drama continues!

Catching up...again...

-117 lbs; that's 7 lbs UNDER goal weight...woot woot! WLS + economy + stress = additional weight loss...

I am way behind on blogging/journaling...*sigh*!

Tessa turned 6 years old earlier this week! She is growing up so fast. We had lots of family and friends over for cake & ice cream! I will try to post pics soon. She has developed her own unique sense of style lateley...not sure what's up with her & her OCD about her clothes/socks/shoes, etc...she cracks me up!

Colton started school on Monday (Aug. 10th) in St. George. He is attending Tuacahn High School for the Arts this year & living with my mom. His "academy" at school is Graphic Art Design. We HAD to get him out of SLC and this was a great opportunity. Very emotional for all of us and hard to have him gone. He was there for a few weeks before school and he was bored and angry; then we had him home for about 10 days; then back to SG where we spent 4 days with him last weekend before school started. So far he says he likes the school, his teachers and his classes so it's been a pretty good week for him. We sincerely hope this will be a positive experience for all of us but especially for him!

Tyler left for Hawaii with his dad & his dad's wife on July 29th. They had a few problems with housing once they got there but they now have a place to live. Tyler is applying to the University of Hawaii for admission; he can transfer his scholarship from Dixie if he is accepted. We should know in the next few days. I think he is having a good time but he is also very far away and that is hard on all of us! He is getting to know his dad better which is good...not sure that he is all that comfortable with his dad's wife though...

Both boys were due in court last week over the "stolen ring" thing from back at the end of May. Tyler had already left for Hawaii so he wasn't there. The judge set up new court dates for both of them. Colton's is later this month; right smack in the middle of the week so he will have to miss school and Rio will have to make a marathon trip to SG to bring him up and get him back there so he only misses one day of school

Tyler's court date is in October...so we have to come up with money for a plane ticket to get him home for court...what a pain in the keyster! Not sure how that will effect school...if he doesn't get into school over there I think his plan is just to come home for court and then just stay here...not sure how I feel about that plan. Although I miss him; I really wanted him to experience Hawaii , go to college, get a job, learn responsibility, etc...but it's his decision to make.

We had some family reunions in July that were alot of fun...will have to post pics soon.

Work is crazy busy for both Rio & I. Life in general has been pretty damn NUTS for the past year or so and I desperately need to sit down and relax but it never seems to work out that way. Most days I feel as though I am treading water and barely keeping my nostrils above the surface...such is life I guess. Even with just one kid at home right now it still hasn't slowed down! My boys are in other states/cities and I still can't keep up with everything!

TTFN!

Will try to post pictures soon!

I talk too much...

I have realized that my posts are WAY too long; I talk too much; so I will try to keep this one short & sweet...

Micheal Jackson passed away on June 25, 2009 at the age of 50. I won't wax nostalgic here...just want to say that his music was FABULOUS and I can still sing the words to so many of his songs. RIP Michael...

Tyler is visiting from SG for a week or so. He is busy lifting weights & hanging with LT...good to have him home; he is doing so much better.

Colton went river rafting with a friends family...he had a GREAT time!

Tessa has OCD about her hair & clothes all the sudden...so weird and not like her at all!

There are some changes taking place where I work that have me concerned about whether I will have a job for much longer...I guess all I can do is wait & see & hope for the best.

How's that for short & sweet???

Weight Loss...

I started this blog as a way to track my weight loss journey & it has turned into more of a "journal" for me...which is a good thing. I really do treat it like a journal & I write whatever I am feeling at the moment or about things going on in my life & with my family.

I figured I would go back to some basics about my weight loss surgery & how far I have come because some days; even though I know I have achieved something great; I have a hard time concentrating on what I have achieved. I tend to focus on the things that I still want to change about my body...I believe I am what is referred to as a "pessimist"! haha

I had Weight Loss Surgery (Gastric Bypass) on Jan. 7, 2008. This surgery reduces your stomach to about the size of a fist & re-routes your intestines. I am 5'8" tall & I weighed 260 lbs on the day of my surgery. My BMI (Body Mass Index) was 39.5. I wore a size 22/24 pants & most of the time a size 26/28 shirt although I tended to wear REALLY baggy things to cover up the fat...like that really helped! I was the fattest I had ever been on the day I had WLS.

I was not overweight as a child or adolescent; infact I was very active. I ran track, danced, did drill team, etc. up thru my first year of college. I put on weight; like a lot of us do; starting in my 20's after having my first child, getting divorced & then re-married, getting comfortable, eating what I wanted, not exercising and having 2 more children and eating, eating, eating.

Due to my weight gain I had back problems, high blood pressure, sleep apnea & acid reflux...I had taken prescriptions for all of these things for years & had a CPAP machine for breathing while I slept. All of those have gone away since my surgery...except the lower back pain (I had 2 bulging discs & had surgery in 2003) & that may never go away...bad genes I guess!

I am a worrier; I stress alot & I became a stress eater...although I have gotten better the past few years at managing my stress. I also have a sweet tooth that was out of control! I drank Diet Dr. Pepper & ate candy all day long!

My goal was to lose 110 lbs in a year; my goal weight was 150 lbs; a good weight for my height; a weight I had not seen for about 15 years or so. I reached my goal in 11 months & contrary to what some may think...it was not "easy". The surgery, the smaller stomach, the food restrictions, the head hunger...it was tough...it's still tough most days but it's worth it! I am now in the "maintenance" phase. I tend to stay right at about -113 lbs lost...which is a few under my goal weight...I can live with that.

One thing I have a hard time with is "the SAG". I've watched ALOT of shows over the years about WLS & people who have lost large amounts of weight rapidly...your skin obviously does not shrink so there is some SAG. My stomach is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, although it's definately not pretty...LOL! I do have the "bat wings" or what some call "relief society arms" that probably don't look as bad as I think they do. My legs have some sag, it's worse on my upper legs than on my calves. I have no butt anymore...the little bit I do have...you guessed it...it SAGS!

I never had much in the "rack" department...infact as I gained weight I didn't want to look like a "pear" so I started wearing "enhancements" (or what we like to call chicken breasts) in my bra to even out my figure. As I have lost weight I have continued to wear my "enhancements" so that some people have asked if I have had a boob job (I wish). My face shows more wrinkles because there is no fat to fill it out...so while I am skinnier now I feel like I look older in my face.

I look pretty "OK" with clothes on...it's my naked self that I have issues with...LOL. There are things that clothes can hide & there are support garments that can be a girls best friend! Are we EVER happy with our body? I was actually more comfortable wearing a swimming suit when I had fat to fill it out...now I hesitate to even put one one (I don't currently even own one) because the loose skin jiggles when I move...not a pretty sight! Most of the time I will wear my bra; with my enhancements in it; under my swimming suit so that no one can tell how flat chested I really am! I have worn swimming suits that have the "skirt" on the bottom for YEARS and when/if I purchase one this year I will still buy one with a skirt...to help cover a little bit of the sag...when I walk I can look down and see the skin on my legs just flapping about...not pretty!

Some day I want to have plastic surgery if/when I can afford it. The Dr's recommend you hit your goal first and then maintain the weight loss for a while...18-24 months after WLS; they don't recommend plastic surgery before that time. I used to think all I wanted was a tummy tuck...I can always pad my bra to appear sufficient in that area...but I have now decided that I could benefit from a lower body lift & a boob job! LOL!!

BUT...WLS is the best thing I ever did for myself. I feel better than I have in many, many years! I have more energy, I don't get tired walking up & down the stairs to the laundry room. I can bend over to tie my shoes instead of putting one foot up on the other leg to tie them sideways because my huge belly isn't in the way anymore.

I am not 100 degrees warmer than other people all the time...I never wore sweaters in the winter because I was always hot; summer was hard for me. I had a fan in my bathroom for YEARS; sitting on the counter or the back of the toilet seat; because when I would get ready for work my face would sweat making it hard to put my makeup on or do my hair.

I am now a size 6/8 and wear medium sized shirts. I can shop at stores that I haven't been able to shop at in years...my feet even shrunk 1/2 size! This is an ongoing journey but I have much to be proud of & I need to remember that!

The Dr.'s want WLS patients to start walking & eventually exercising on a regular basis after surgery. It helps with the bloating from surgery, the weight loss & eventually helps tone you up. I did ok in the beginning but I couldn't figure out why they couldn't implant a love of exercise at the time of surgery! For as active as I was in my younger days I have discovered that; just like when I was fat; I still don't enjoy exercise. I envy people that do it for fun or just because they love it. Finding the time for it has always been an issue...I've been told to "make time" and that is easier said than done. I started back to the gym a few months ago only to sprain my ankle really bad as I was leaving the gym on the 2nd day! My ankle still gives me a hard time...I probably should go to the Dr to have it looked at. WLS patients have mal-absorption issues & we take certain vitamins for the rest of our lives. Who knows...maybe we don't heal as well from things like sprained ankles or maybe I did more than sprain it!

At this point I have figured out that I can't complain about not exercising and/or toning up if I don't take the time do it...it's obviously not important enough to me right now or I would do it...although I have been thinking about it more and more lately...time will tell if I get it done I guess.

One thing that I don't like is that I seem to have issues with my memory; I have heard that alot from other WLS patients on the support sites. My brain seems to feel "fuzzy" alot. I used to have a photographic memory & I was very organized all the time...that seems to have changed somewhat & it's frustrating. But...I never had any other health issues due to the surgery; like some people do; and for that I am extremely grateful!

All in all I am happy with where I am. I do sometimes eat things I shouldn't but I try not to kick myself over it. I still don't eat many carbs...no bread, rice, pasta, etc. I stick to the proteins & vegetables as much as I can. I don't like to cook...never have...so I make do with small protein filled things or I make a batch of chili or chicken enchilada soup & I eat them for weeks at a time (food is fuel, not entertainment). I still don't love to drink water; even when it's flavored with Propel & I drink too many blended coffees (my daily treats & a "no no"...we aren't supposed to drink our calories & caffeine stimulates hunger). I will eat a few Peanut Butter M&M's here & there...not too many or it makes me nauseous. I sometimes have popcorn or a bite of chocolate but for the most part my eating is not out of control like it was before WLS. I NEVER want to be that fat again!

I am no where near perfect in this journey but I can live with what I have acheived so far. I just need to remember each day that I have succeeded & hope that it stays that way & that I don't go back to old habits & gain the weight back.

So...there is it...in a very long nutshell! Thank you & goodnight! :-)

Leaving my baby behind...

Tessa, Rio, Colton, Tyler, Me

At the funeral home for the viewing.

What an emotional weekend we just had. We went to SG on Saturday for 2 reasons...to attend my grandma's viewing & funeral and to move Tyler to SG to live with his dad & get ready to attend Dixie State College in the fall.

We had originally wanted Tyler to move right after graduation; we felt that he needed to get away from the influences up here so that he could get his life in order & prepare for school. A few months back he had pushed back & said he wanted to stay here for the summer & spend it with his friends. A few weeks ago; out of the blue; he changed his tune & said he wanted to move as soon as he graduated. I could see the subtal changes in him; things were shifting; he did not want to continue on the path he was on...I was so thankful that he seemed to be "getting a clue"!

Tyler woke me up at 2:30 am one morning last week...he was very emotional (which is not like him at all). He told me that he wanted to be "done" with all the things he had been doing that he knows he shouldn't be and that he was sorry for all the lies, etc. over the past year. We had a really good talk & I tried to help calm his fears about the upcoming changes. He expressed his desire to move right away so that he could get his head on straight and figure out what he wants. There is nothing harder than seeing your children struggle & try to find their place in this world.

He was both excited & nervous about the upcoming changes. He doesn't really know his dad all that well; they haven't really ever spent much time together. He had stayed with his dad & his dad's new wife back in March when he went to SG to tour Dixie State. They live in a condo & there isn't much room but they said he could come live with them and drive one of their vehicles which was good since we sold his car back in March. They also have 3 dogs...and Tyler is not an animal lover (he has never paid any attention to the one small dog we have).

We left on Saturday morning for SG...me, Rio, Tyler, Colton & Tessa. I can't tell you the last time all 5 of us actually traveled somewhere together (the boys never want to go anywhere with us). Tyler hadn't had much sleep over the past few days...trying to spend time with friends, get packed, etc. plus I think he was worrying alot.

Due to the funeral & all the family gathering we had during the 4 days were there; we actually spent some real quality time as a family. I could tell from conversations with Tyler that he is already realizing how good he has had it all these years. That's not to say it's bad at his dad's house; just different; which is something he will have to get used to.

Tyler spent Monday with us at the funeral; then we went swimming; then out to eat with family. Tyler, Colton & my neice Bayli went to the movie that night & Tyler spent the night with us at Rio's parents. As we prepared to leave SG to head home on Tuesday (yesterday) we dropped him back off at his dad's house...it broke my heart. He gave all of us a big hug (it's been a LONG time since he has hugged any of us) and alot of "I love you's" were said. Rio & I both got choked up; it was so hard to leave him there...even if he has driven us nuts for the past year...LOL! He is my first born baby boy and I will miss him like crazy but I know this is where he needs to be right now.

Colton, Tessa, Tyler

I am crossing my fingers that everything will work out...that he will find a job, save some money, go to college & figure out who he wants to be. I love Tyler with all my heart and he will always be my baby!

Farewell Grandma Rose...

Rose Riding Bostwick; my dad's mother; passed away on June 9, 2009; she was 87 years old. She was the strongest woman I have ever known; raising 6 children on her own & caring for one of her sons; almost single handedly; for years after he was in a paralyzing car accident. She was determined, faithful & loved her family dearly. We were in SG the past couple of days to attend her viewing & funeral & spend time with family. It was very, very nice & Grandma can be proud of those she left behind.

Grandma was the secretary at Dixie High School in St. George for 20 years!

Colton, Me, Rio, Tessa & Tyler at the cemetary.

ST. GEORGE - Rose Riding Bostwick passed into eternity on June 9, 2009, in St. George, Utah, at age 87 years, of causes incident to age. She was born in St. George, Utah on March 20, 1922, to Josephus Riding and Alice Bleak Riding. Rose is the youngest of eleven children. She grew up in a loving home surrounded by family and friends.

Rose met Myrle Wayne Bostwick, who was working in the Civilian Conservation Corps on the Arizona Strip, and they married on March 28, 1942, just prior to Wayne entering military service during World War II. They had six children before divorcing in 1963.

Rose was a life-long member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and came from a number of pioneer families that settled the St. George area. She served in a number of teaching positions and as a member of the Ward Primary presidency, as well as Ward Librarian. She was a member of the Daughters of Utah Pioneers (DUP) and was proud to have several items made by her father and grandfather, Christopher Lister Riding, displayed in the DUP museum in St. George.

Rose was a devoted mother and grandmother. She was always involved in her children's and grandchildren's activities. When her third child, Stanley, was severely injured in an automobile accident in 1968, she dedicated much of her life to his care and well-being until his death in 1993. In the years following her divorce, Rose worked hard to provide for her family and attended school at the College of Southern Utah in Cedar City, Utah, where she graduated from a vocational program in secretarial science in 1965. She is probably best known as the secretary of Dixie High School where she worked from 1965 to 1985. She was a significant positive influence in the lives of countless high-school aged young men and women, including her own children. She participated in many extracurricular activities sponsored by Dixie High School such as chaperoning the Spanish Club on trips to Mexico and taking tickets at numerous school events. She retired from public education in 1987 after working for two years in the offices of the Washington County School District.

Although her time was limited by her responsibilities caring for her family, and particularly Stanley, Rose was active in her Church and the VFW Auxiliary, serving as its President in 1962-1963. She enjoyed traveling, camping, hiking, reading and gardening, as well as family parties, outings and reunions. She was a wonderful cook and enjoyed countless hours making candy and other treats for, and with, family and friends. In the nine years following her retirement from public education, she accomplished her goal of walking five thousand miles as part of her efforts to stay fit and active.

Rose will be greatly missed and we treasure our wonderful memories. She is survived by: four children, Richard Lester Bostwick, Janice (Kenny) Thompson, Michael Edwin (Cathy) Bostwick, Darrel Joseph (Lisa) Bostwick; daughter-in-law Mary Graf Bostwick (Steve) Sevy; 24 grandchildren; and 31 great grandchildren. She was preceded in death by: two sons, Myrle Wayne Bostwick, Jr. and Stanley Bruce Bostwick; her parents; six sisters; and four brothers.

Funeral services will be held Monday, June 15, 2009, at 11:00 a.m., at the St. George LDS Chapel located at 550 E. 700 So., St. George, Utah. Visitation will be held Sunday, June 14, 2009, from 6 - 8 p.m., at Metcalf Mortuary, 288 W. St. George Blvd., and Monday from 9:30 - 10:30 a.m., at the LDS Chapel prior to services. Interment will be in the St. George City Cemetery under the direction of Metcalf Mortuary (435-673-4221).

Rose's family would like to express their gratitude for the kindness and caring shown to her by the staff, administration and residents of The Meadows Retirement Community, as well as the members and leadership of the 29th Branch of the St. George Utah East Stake. Their love and friendship for, and service to Rose in her final years have blessed her life beyond measure.

20 years & counting...

I attended the PVHS Class of '89 reunion this past weekend...20 years since we graduated!! If I had not had my weight loss surgery I would not have attended...I would have been too embarrassed to have my classmates see me like that!

Friday June 5 - we had a Pine View vs. Dixie alumni basketball game that was held at DHS. What a fun time! Meeting up with old friends, watching some b-ball, cheering for our team, smack talkin'...LOL...brings back memories!

L. to R; Front row; Kristin "Kur" Mortensen, LeAnn Lobb, Monica Anderson, Sharla Richards, Lori Crockett. L. to R.; 2nd row; Marth Merrill, Shannon Sampson, Sharley Larsen, Kami Christensen, Margo Bostwick (me). L. to R.; back row; Sheri Cowley, Christy Tobler

L to R; front row; Nate Staheli (10), Colby "Baggs" Nielsen (52), Troy Hunt (21), George Clasmen (55), Chad "Wick" McAllister (can't see his number but it ends in 5). L. to R.; back row; (sorry can't see the back row very well); Beau Gledhill, James "Orv" Anderson, Brad Jolley, Josh Little

Our valiant Pine View High School PANTHERS played an awesome game. In the end...we lost...(92 - 63) BUT...Dixie was running the score board so there may have been some extra points added on for their team...I'm just sayin'! LOL

Saturday June 6 - we had a picnic at Hidden Valley Park...so much fun to see everyone's families & all the kids running around having a great time! Unfortunately the only pictures I took were of my neices and nephews (who happened to be there at the same time)! LOL! But a good time was had by all!!!

That evening we had a dinner at the Hilton Garden Inn. It was a really nice set up & good food, good friends, good fun! Kristen "Kur" Mortensen Snow & her committee did a FABULOUS job! We had a GREAT slide show (thanks Kami Christensen Ekins), played Jeopardy, had prizes...all sorts of fun stuff. And of course we got to mingle some more & get caught up with old friends!Here we are in all our glory...the PVHS Class of '89...well ok just the ones who actually showed up!

There were people that I was looking forward to seeing that; for whatever reason; didn't show up to any of the events so I was kind of bummed. But all in all I had a really good time catching up with everyone. I haven't really kept in touch with anyone since high school until these past 6 months or so when a bunch of us reconnected on Facebook which is how this reunion thing got started.

I'm so glad I went and am so happy to see how well everyone is doing!

Tyler / Swine Flu / Graduation...

-113 lbs lost; -3 lbs under goal weight...still holding...yipeee!

So much to catch up on...I will try to make it short (don't hold your breath)!

Monday June 1st - last week of school...I take a deep breath after everything that has been going on this past year & think "Only a few more days...everything will be fine"...yeah right...not in my world!

Tyler had been sick for a few days, spent most of the weekend in his room resting (although he was up & about a little & did go to a senior dinner dance on Saturday night), we thought he had a cold. Monday morning he was "anxious" about school because he "had" to be there to do last minute stuff & get things signed & make sure he is going to graduate & he still has 3 hours of attendance school to make up but he is feeling like CRAP! His ride doesn't show up to take him to school so now he's late (more attendance issues). I have him drive me to work & I make him go to school & by this time I am almost in full blown panic attack mode because I just dont' think I can take much more! We text back & forth, he is "so sick"...he starts telling me more about his symptoms & I realize that he is sicker than I thought (fever, chills, coughing, etc.). He leaves school early & we go to the After Hours Clinic where they test him for strep (negative), mono (negative) and Influenza A (otherwise known as H1N1 virus or Swine Flu)...POSITIVE!

Yikes...now what? He is already 4 days or so into the flu (with everything that has been going on & all he has been trying to get done so he could graduate he is not positive when his symptoms started) but the Dr. says he is quarantined to our house until Friday...but WAIT...graduation is Thursday night...OMG...what are we going to do?

Tuesday June 2 - I spend over an hour at his school trying to work out whether he actually qualifies to graduate & letting them know he is sick. Because of the Dr. note the school excused his absences from the previous day but he still has 3 hours of attendance to make up which he can't do because he can't come to the school. Tyler's counselor was not in the office that day so I met with one of the Vice Principals who didn't have all the information the counselor has so at one point he tells me Tyler doesn't have enough credits to graduate...which I politely, but firmly tell him is not true. He finally gets that worked out but says that the decision on whether Tyler can attend graduation is not his to make & he will get back to me & that Tyler will have to come in next week & make up the attendance. Colton & Tessa both come home from school sick this day so now we are worried that we are all going to have Swine Flu (they were fine...none of us got it)!

Wednesday June 3 - Graduation practice is that morning & of course Tyler can't attend & I can't reach the VP because he is at the practice. I call Tyler's school counselor & leave a message & hope he will get back to me so I can finalize all this stuff & know for sure whether Tyler will get his diploma or not. He finally calls me back at the end of the day, he confirms that Tyler has enough credits to graduate but that he needs to talk to the VP to find out about making up the 3 hours of attendance. The VP has apparently left for the day so we continue to wait...

Thursday June 4 - GRADUATION DAY! I decide to take Tyler back to the clinic to have him re-tested because although he is tired he has been feeling better & hasn't had chills since he was diagnosed 3 days earlier (his fever was normal that day). We talk to the Dr., he asks a bunch more questions & checks Tyler's vitals & says that Tyler is doing better & he gives him a medical release to attend graduation!! We rush down to the school, meet with his counselor & another VP. They say Tyler can serve his last 3 hours of attendance right then & when he is done he can get his cap & gown & he can attend graduation! Since he missed the graduation practice he will be one of the very last names called (they don't do it in alphabetical order) but we don't care...as long as they call his name!!!!! He will also be able to sing with the A Cappella choir at graduation!

I have the world's WORST camera & it takes too long to focus & snap! They go so fast when calling names that I didn't get a good picutre of him receiving his diploma!

Tyler HATES when I take his picture...I bribed him & brought him a cookie & some gum cause he was starving...LOL! This was before Graduation started.

Hanging with some dudes before Graduation started.

It was a CRAZY week, made even more crazy as I was still trying to get the other 2 kids through their last week of school, work for a few days (the rest I had off already), do laundry & pack for our trip to SG for my 20 year reunion. It seems just when I think things will slow down...they never do!

Tyler is now preparing to move to SG to find a job & get ready to attend Dixie State College. I get the feeling from him that he desperately wants to change some things in his life & I sincerely hope he does. We want only for him to be happy in whatever he chooses to do. We love him so much & will miss him like crazy but we are excited for this next step for him!! Time to move on & into the BIG TIME baby!!!

WE LOVE YOU TYLER ORION BROWN!!!!

Trouble with the law...

Haven't weighed myself this week...keep forgetting...but am pretty sure I have gained a few LBS...stress will do that to a person & I am NOT dealing well with my stress lately...*SIGH*

The boys had some trouble with the law this week. I'm sure someday they will be HORRIFIED that I spilled their dirty laundry to the world (not like anyone reads my blog but ya never know...this blog is more for my own sake...like a journal).

Anywhoo...It seems that one of the boys "took" something over 6 months ago that did not belong to him. The story is that he was at a party, helping a friend clean up, found these 2 "items" on the floor & stuck them in his pocket, came home, emptied his pockets & pretty much forgot about these items. They have been in his room for over 6 months. My other son saw one of these items the other day & decided to wear it to school. Just so happens the officer at his school was investigating a theft of some similar items & one of my sons teachers alerted the officer to the item that my son was wearing (because said son apparently thought it was cool & showed it to the teacher & "supposedly" bragged about it's value).

When my son was pulled in by the officer to be questioned it came out that he had taken the item from my other sons room that morning. The officer told me that my son told him that he "knew" that my other son had stolen the item. My son says that is not true...he says he didn't say that to the officer.

So, this school officer contacts the school officer at my other sons school & they pull the other son in to question him. He didn't have a clue at that time, how they found out about the item but he admits that he picked it up after a party. They badger him with questions about the "other" theft incident that they are investigating at the other sons school & try to get this son to admit that he was involved in that theft. He wasn't so he repeatedly says he knows nothing about this other incident. The officers tell him that they "searched" his bedroom (not true) & that is how they found this item. So when they ask him if he has any other items he (truthfully) tells them about the 2nd item he picked up at the same time he picked up the first item at the party over 6 months ago. So they take him to our house to get this 2nd item.

In the meantime, the son who wore the item to school has also been called in to talk to the asst. principal about his tardies at school. This son gets upset, says a few profanity words & gets sent to ISS (In School Suspension) for the day. At ISS he refuses to do his work & uses profanity again so they suspend him for the day. Hubby was already on his way to other sons school to find out what was going on there since we could not reach that son & we knew he was being questioned. I call hubby to go get son that has been suspended (should have let them send him to JDC for the day). Hubby picks up suspended son & is headed to the other school to see what is going on with other son. As hubby is driving past our house he sees police car coming up the street with other son in the back seat, heading to our house to get that 2nd "stolen" item. He pulls into home, talks to police. They are not arresting son. Son hands over 2nd item and police take him back to school but charges could be filed against him for stealing these 2 items from this persons home...so fabulous.

Got a call later in the day from a Sandy City police officer telling me that the son who wore the item to school could also be charged with "possession of stolen property"...more fabulous-ness!

Son who originally took said "stolen" items is frantic...police have told him a warrant will go out for his arrenst & he could go to jail for 15 years (not likely...items weren't worth that much). He can't believe that one week before school is out & while he is trying to get his life cleaned up lately, that this thing from 6 months ago has come back to bite him in the ASS like this...I tell him such is life...LIVE & LEARN.

I of course spent the better part of the day FREAKING out until I realized (and told both sons) that there is nothing we can do about it until we find out if charges will be filed. Yes they both did stupid things, yes they should pay the consequences but worrying about it now doesn't help anything (easier said than done...I know).

Can life get any better? We are struggling worse than we have ever struggled! We are in serious financial trouble, can't pay bills, may lose our house, kids being naughty, fighting with IRS about taxes, etc...stress, stress, stress coming at us from every single angle. There MUST be a reason for it; I just haven't figured out what it is yet! The past year has been the most trying year of our 16 years together...and we have had some seriously TRYING times!

I often wonder & question "WHY"???? I'm sure that is not the right attitude to have but I just don't understand! We are good people...why does this keep happening to us? Did we piss someone off in a past life? Did we do something so awful that we deserve to struggle every single minute of every single day?

I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I am truly grateful for what we DO have & I do my best to be positive every single day & live life to the fullest. I do struggle sometimes with coveting "material" things that others have...maybe that is the problem! I don't understand why other people have nice homes, vehicles, money to spare while we live in an old, crappy, half done home that we never have the money to finish remodeling! Why does it come so easy to others? Why can't we catch a break?

Ok...my pity party is over...I vented & now I am done. I seriously do not go around feeling like this every day but every once in a while it catches up with me! Thank goodness it's the weekend!

The Prom...

113 lbs lost; 3 lbs below goal weight.

We were invited to attend a SLC Chamber function last night. They were honoring Ellis Ivory & Roger Boyer as "Giants in our City". Ivory Homes has been a customer of Rio's employer for many, many years. Rio has been the cabinet salesman to Ivory Homes for a few years now and they love him (who doesn't?).

This was a first for us and we weren't quite sure what to expect...or what was expected of us. We were told it was a "black tie" event so Rio rented a tux (first time in a tux since our wedding 16 years ago!); although most men were just in suits so he felt very overdressed but he looked so handsome!

Since I have "shrunk" out of all my clothes and have not yet stocked up on a new spring/summer wardrobe this year; and since I am allowed to wear jeans to work now, I do not currently have any suitable dresses for this type of occasion (I'm not much of a dress wearer anyway). Thank goodness my little sister had something nice that I could borrow (Thanks Anna); it's nice that we are the same size now!

I kept telling Rio we are too "white trash" for this sort of event...LOL! We prefer to hang out at home and if/when we ever go out it's to dinner and a movie...we just aren't the type to go to these types of things.

It was held at the Grand America Hotel and was actually a very nice event...although somewhat boring. They served a nice dinner and there were some nice speeches about the honorees. It was a little long for my taste and we even left a little bit early. It was a nice evening but not the type of thing I want to attend on a regular basis.

It was definately a chance for me to "show off" my skinnier self...haha. And NO...I have not had a boob job (had someone ask me that recently)...LOL! It's all "smoke & mirrors". I have worn "enhancements" in my bra for like 15 years now because I was not blessed with much in the "chest" area and now that I have lost so much weight the girls are pretty non-existent! HAHA

Here we are...all dressed up...I think we clean up nicely...but we do look like we are headed to the Prom...all we need is a corsage!

The pictures actually do not do the "cleavage" justice. I was actually worried about showing too much and kept asking Rio if the "girls" looked like they were falling out. It's great what a good push up bra, inserts and SPANX can do for a girls figure! :-)

I have no idea why Rio isn't smiling...maybe he is trying to look tough or maybe he just hates weraing a tux...LOL!

I took yesterday off work because Colton volunteered me to chaperone a field trip for his Reading class. We spent the day on TRAX doing a scavenger hunt (great idea actually). As you can probably tell from the pictures I got to hang with a spectacular group of kids...my son included (yes that was sarcasm)! I took Tessa along and she had fun hanging with the older kids and riding on TRAX!

Yes that's Colton in the white headband...he thinks he is a hippie. I think that he thinks that if he says he is a hippie then it's makes it ok that he does some of the things he does...*sigh*...KIDS!

Anywhoo...it was a LONG, busy day and I'm tired! I'm so glad today is the start of the long Memorial weekend as soon as I get off work today!

Love to you all!