Leaving my baby behind...

Tessa, Rio, Colton, Tyler, Me

At the funeral home for the viewing.

What an emotional weekend we just had. We went to SG on Saturday for 2 reasons...to attend my grandma's viewing & funeral and to move Tyler to SG to live with his dad & get ready to attend Dixie State College in the fall.

We had originally wanted Tyler to move right after graduation; we felt that he needed to get away from the influences up here so that he could get his life in order & prepare for school. A few months back he had pushed back & said he wanted to stay here for the summer & spend it with his friends. A few weeks ago; out of the blue; he changed his tune & said he wanted to move as soon as he graduated. I could see the subtal changes in him; things were shifting; he did not want to continue on the path he was on...I was so thankful that he seemed to be "getting a clue"!

Tyler woke me up at 2:30 am one morning last week...he was very emotional (which is not like him at all). He told me that he wanted to be "done" with all the things he had been doing that he knows he shouldn't be and that he was sorry for all the lies, etc. over the past year. We had a really good talk & I tried to help calm his fears about the upcoming changes. He expressed his desire to move right away so that he could get his head on straight and figure out what he wants. There is nothing harder than seeing your children struggle & try to find their place in this world.

He was both excited & nervous about the upcoming changes. He doesn't really know his dad all that well; they haven't really ever spent much time together. He had stayed with his dad & his dad's new wife back in March when he went to SG to tour Dixie State. They live in a condo & there isn't much room but they said he could come live with them and drive one of their vehicles which was good since we sold his car back in March. They also have 3 dogs...and Tyler is not an animal lover (he has never paid any attention to the one small dog we have).

We left on Saturday morning for SG...me, Rio, Tyler, Colton & Tessa. I can't tell you the last time all 5 of us actually traveled somewhere together (the boys never want to go anywhere with us). Tyler hadn't had much sleep over the past few days...trying to spend time with friends, get packed, etc. plus I think he was worrying alot.

Due to the funeral & all the family gathering we had during the 4 days were there; we actually spent some real quality time as a family. I could tell from conversations with Tyler that he is already realizing how good he has had it all these years. That's not to say it's bad at his dad's house; just different; which is something he will have to get used to.

Tyler spent Monday with us at the funeral; then we went swimming; then out to eat with family. Tyler, Colton & my neice Bayli went to the movie that night & Tyler spent the night with us at Rio's parents. As we prepared to leave SG to head home on Tuesday (yesterday) we dropped him back off at his dad's house...it broke my heart. He gave all of us a big hug (it's been a LONG time since he has hugged any of us) and alot of "I love you's" were said. Rio & I both got choked up; it was so hard to leave him there...even if he has driven us nuts for the past year...LOL! He is my first born baby boy and I will miss him like crazy but I know this is where he needs to be right now.

Colton, Tessa, Tyler

I am crossing my fingers that everything will work out...that he will find a job, save some money, go to college & figure out who he wants to be. I love Tyler with all my heart and he will always be my baby!