A little back history (this may be TMI for some so be warned)...
I had my tubes tied on August 12, 2003, the same day Tessa was born. I knew I was done having children (Tessa was a HUGE surprise) AND I was having a C-Section due to high blood pressure and toxemia so it was easy to get them tied at that time.
I suffered from AWFUL, very painful, very heavy periods in the years after my tubes had been tied. I had never had problems with periods before. My periods previous to having my tubes tied had always been normal, same time every month, not too heavy, they didn't lay me up like they do to some women. So having them change so drastically was very difficult for me.
In November 2007 I had an Endometrial Ablation, here is the definition...
Endometrial ablation is a procedure that uses a lighted viewing instrument (hysteroscope) and other instruments to destroy (ablate) the uterine lining, or endometrium. The endometrium heals by scarring, which usually reduces or prevents uterine bleeding.
I have not had a period since having this procedure done, which has been a relief. My body still has "cycles", I just don't have to deal with periods, cramping, headaches, etc.
In October 2009, I had extreme pain in my pelvis on the right side. It felt alot like period cramps for a few days and then went away. About a week later it came back. I was concerned so I went to Instacare thinking I had a Urinary Tract Infection (although to my knowledge I have never had one before). I was told that I had the cleanest urine they had ever seen...LOL. They recommended I see my Gynecologist, which was what I already planned on doing. I had researched my symptoms online so I knew there were many things it could be.
I called my GYN who set me up to have a pelvic ultrasound. The ultrasound results showed a small mass next to my right ovary, origin unknown. They said it could be any number of things, a fibroid, a dermoid, uterine lining, etc. They recommended I give it 8-12 weeks and then have another ultrasound to see if it had cleared up on it's own.
I had another ultrasound on Februrary 2, 2009. The results showed that the mass was still there although it was a little bit smaller than previously, origin still unknown. The recommendation was that I have an MRI to determine what it was. Of course this is fairly common in alot of women and doesn't necessarily mean cancer but they couldn't say for sure that it wasn't the big "C" so I scheduled an MRI.
I had an MRI on February 24, 2010. The report showed that once they administered the contrast, the tumor "lit up", meaning it was vascular. They still could not say whether it was benign or cancerous or where it came from. The Radiologist recommended waiting 6-8 months then having another MRI but because I have pain in that area every few weeks my GYN recommended that I see a Gynecological Oncologist. This scared me, I worked for Oncologists way back in the day and I saw alot of very sick people with cancer coming in to get chemo each week. I had maintained a sense of calm about all of this but now I was scared.
On March 10, 2010 I saw the GYN Oncologist, Dr. Z. She spent a lot of time with me, reviewed the MRI results, did a thorough exam and then proceeded to tell me that although there were many things it could be, most of them benign, she couldn't say with 100% certainty that it wasn't cancer. She basically left the decision up to me...wait a few months, watch it and see what happens or go in laposcopically with a camera and find out what it is. I am not comfortable leaving it there, not knowing what it is.
If they go in and determine it's cancer, they will remove everything, a complete hysterectomy. If they go in and determine that it's benign, they will remove only what they need to in order to get it out. Depending on what it's attached they could end up removing just an overy, or possibley and overy and my uterus...they just don't know until they get in there.
Since I am under 40 (barely) they prefer to leave the ovaries in place if they can. Hormone Replacement Therapy can be brutal so they don't want to remove ovaries unless they absolutely have to.
I decided I want them to go in and find out what it is and take it out. A few hitches...I have a trip to Mexico scheduled in April (free trip! more on that later) and since I have never been there, never really been anywhere, I really want to go. Dr Z said we can do it after I get back. I am scheduled for surgery on April 29th. I won't know the outcome until AFTER it's all done which is pretty scary. That also makes it hard to plan for time off from work since if I have a complete hystorectomy I will need 4-6 weeks off. I also found out that during open enrollment at work, I neglected to sign up for Short Term Disability (you have to pay for it now?!?) so I won't be able to take STD which means my time off will be unpaid...NOT GOOD when we are already struggling just to live these days!
Which leads me to second thoughts...since we can't afford for me to take 6 weeks off unpaid, do I just put it off, watch it over the next 6-8 months and hope it's not cancer? What if it is and it spreads in 6-8 months??? So many thoughts, so many decisions! I am crazy busy at work, what happens if I have to take 4-6 weeks off, will I lose my job? My health should be the most important thing but because of our constant struggles, it can't be...YIKES!
I am scared, confused, upset, ticked off...so many emotions surrounding this. But if I wait and it's cancer and it compromises my health or even leads to death, where does that leave my family? What to do, what to do...
For now, I am scheduled for April 29th...if that changes I will let you know. Why does it have to be this difficult? Why do I have to choose between my health and supporting my family. It's overwhelming, frustrating and scary!
3/14/10
2/16/10
2 yr "SURGIVERSARY" and catching up...
My 2 year Weight Loss Surgiversary was 1/7/10. I had my 2 year follow up on 2/2/10. I originally lost 110 lbs in 11 months and have maintained the weight loss for 16 months now! My blood work, vitamin levels & protein levels were FABULOUS! My Dr. said I am doing great! I hope to be able to maintain the weight loss long term! I've said it before and I will say it again..."Weight Loss Surgery is the best gift I ever gave myself"!
Dec 2009 - we moved into a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment that I like to call "the ghetto". Our house may have been old and "white trash", but our apartment just takes that up a notch! The are so many unique features to it...like the toilets that lean to one side, the shower that turns on when you try to run a bath, the cabinets that are hanging by a thread in the kitchen, the putrid "sewer" smell that seems to permiate within the walls, the heater that runs 24/7 but mostly blows cool air, the list goes on and on...
On a side note, Yes, I am thankful we have a roof over our head and that we can afford it (barely). We didn't realize the boys would be coming home for good when we rented it or we might have looked for something bigger...although we probably couldn't have afforded anything else. For now, Tessa shares a room with us, which isn't much different from when we lived at my sister's, Colton sleeps in Tessa's room, the boys clothes and belongings are in Tessa's room & Tyler sleeps on the couch...good times I'm tellin' ya...good times! I finally re-arranged some things yesterday to make better use of some wasted space so that Tessa had better access to some of her things that had been in the bedroom the boys now occupy.
We desperate wanted Colton to stay in SG at Tuacahn, it really is the best school for him. Due to some health issues my mom had and the fact that having 2 teenage boys was more than I think she thought it would be, we decided it was best to bring him home. He is back at his old Middle School, which he hates. He is there on a permit since we no longer live in that area. He has already been in trouble for being argumentative & not completing assignments. He was given until midterm, first week of March, to get grades up and he can't be sent to the office anymore or they will revoke his permit. He did get a few of his grades up and is working on the others so they have allowed him to stay...for now. I got a call last week that he was sent to the office for leaving class without permission (the class was going from the library back to the classroom and he detoured to the restroom). I know Colton can be very difficult but the only referrals he has had to the office are all from the same teacher, I can't help but wonder if she has it out for him. The Vice Principal that called me last week said that most likely they will revoke his permit at the end of the quarter. If that happens, I will come UNHINGED! The only option at that point will be to put him in the middle school where we live now for the last 2 monts of this school year AND I doubt that will even be worth it. Then I'm sure that JHS will not take him on a permit for High School next year since he will be labeled a "naughty kid"!
Colton is not a bad kid, neither is Tyler for that matter, they just have their own way of doing things or thinking things should be done. That isn't necesarily bad, it's just hard to deal with sometimes. In the world we live in after we graduate from HS, people are thought highly of when they can "think outside the box". As much as my kids have been taught to respect authority, we also don't believe in stifling their creativity and we want to give them the chance to discover for themselves who they really are, not to live the way other people "expect" them to.
Colton lives very much in the now and gets caught up in the moment and doesn't think ahead to what the consequences may be (we had this confirmed for us by a highly respected brain doctor last year. He is very opinionated, but argues because he wants to convince you to see it the way he sees it, which can be VERY frustrating. He is getting better at realizing that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and he needs to respect that.
Tyler on the other hand is so afraid of rejection, being embarrassed and being told NO, that it seriously hinders any attempts he makes to get a job or do much of anything in life right now. He would rather apply online, which is fine, but then he doesn't follow up because he doesn't want to "bug" people. I understand this, I was much the same way when I was younger, but I'm sure that getting my first job at 14 years old helped squash some of that. When I think back to where I thought Tyler would be at this point in his life, I NEVER imagined the changes that would take place in him during his last year of high school. He seems lost and we do our best to help guide him but again, he HAS to figure things out for himself. I think we have been very patient, even though it's very frustrating and heartbreaking to watch. Tyler is not one to tell us his feelings or thoughts & confronting him goes absolutely no where so we wait & hope & pray that he finds his way soon.
It's unfortunate when people feel the need to tell us how they would handle things if it were "their" kids or give us advice we did not ask for, especially when they don't have children as old as ours or they have no children at all. People can say they would "kick their kids out" or "cut them off" but could they really? Did they have their lifes all figured out when they were 18 and 14? I know I sure didn't!
Do you turn your back on your oldest because he has been diagnosed as bi-polar but is old enough not to take his meds or see a counselor if he doesn't want to and is struggling to figure out who he is and who he wants to be? Do you turn your back on your middle child, who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8 and struggles so hard to learn that school is pure torture for him? Do you turn your back on them because they make choices that you don't agree with? Or do you allow them to continue on their own path, even if you have to watch them stumble but you know that in the end who and what they become is up to them?
I ask myself everyday "where did we go wrong"...there is no answer to that question for any parent. Did we spoil our kids, give them too much, give in too often, not set enough rules? Maybe. Do we continue to support them, even when they do things we don't agree with? Yes because we LOVE them, faults, mistakes and all. Would they be better off if we had raised them in the church? Maybe...who really knows???? What I do know is the past is the past, there is no guarantee for the future and all we can do is live each day to the best of our ability. I strive to do that and to be thankful everyday for what I DO have.
I know I'm rambling...as usual my mind is filled with so much! Thank goodness my blog doesn't have many followers...LOL, it's more a journal for myself than anything. My heart is often very heavy because I feel that at this age things should feel more secure in life. These are tough times for so many and I know there are many out there worse off than us. On the other hand I often find myself asking why there are others that have so much, when we have so little. Why does it seem that we have had more than our fair share of struggles, especially the past 2 years, while others don't seem to struggle at all? When I get these thoughts, I immediately feel guilty for not being content with what I do have. My mind never stops going in circles around these things, it's very frustrating some times. I AM very blessed with so much, a wonderful supporive husband who loves me unconditionally, healthy children, good job, great family and friends. I am indeed blessed.
I do have some worrisome health news regarding myself, which I will write about seperately since this post has become so long. Going to relax with my sweet Rio and beautiful Tessa. Love to you all and hope life is treating you well.
Dec 2009 - we moved into a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment that I like to call "the ghetto". Our house may have been old and "white trash", but our apartment just takes that up a notch! The are so many unique features to it...like the toilets that lean to one side, the shower that turns on when you try to run a bath, the cabinets that are hanging by a thread in the kitchen, the putrid "sewer" smell that seems to permiate within the walls, the heater that runs 24/7 but mostly blows cool air, the list goes on and on...
On a side note, Yes, I am thankful we have a roof over our head and that we can afford it (barely). We didn't realize the boys would be coming home for good when we rented it or we might have looked for something bigger...although we probably couldn't have afforded anything else. For now, Tessa shares a room with us, which isn't much different from when we lived at my sister's, Colton sleeps in Tessa's room, the boys clothes and belongings are in Tessa's room & Tyler sleeps on the couch...good times I'm tellin' ya...good times! I finally re-arranged some things yesterday to make better use of some wasted space so that Tessa had better access to some of her things that had been in the bedroom the boys now occupy.
We desperate wanted Colton to stay in SG at Tuacahn, it really is the best school for him. Due to some health issues my mom had and the fact that having 2 teenage boys was more than I think she thought it would be, we decided it was best to bring him home. He is back at his old Middle School, which he hates. He is there on a permit since we no longer live in that area. He has already been in trouble for being argumentative & not completing assignments. He was given until midterm, first week of March, to get grades up and he can't be sent to the office anymore or they will revoke his permit. He did get a few of his grades up and is working on the others so they have allowed him to stay...for now. I got a call last week that he was sent to the office for leaving class without permission (the class was going from the library back to the classroom and he detoured to the restroom). I know Colton can be very difficult but the only referrals he has had to the office are all from the same teacher, I can't help but wonder if she has it out for him. The Vice Principal that called me last week said that most likely they will revoke his permit at the end of the quarter. If that happens, I will come UNHINGED! The only option at that point will be to put him in the middle school where we live now for the last 2 monts of this school year AND I doubt that will even be worth it. Then I'm sure that JHS will not take him on a permit for High School next year since he will be labeled a "naughty kid"!
Colton is not a bad kid, neither is Tyler for that matter, they just have their own way of doing things or thinking things should be done. That isn't necesarily bad, it's just hard to deal with sometimes. In the world we live in after we graduate from HS, people are thought highly of when they can "think outside the box". As much as my kids have been taught to respect authority, we also don't believe in stifling their creativity and we want to give them the chance to discover for themselves who they really are, not to live the way other people "expect" them to.
Colton lives very much in the now and gets caught up in the moment and doesn't think ahead to what the consequences may be (we had this confirmed for us by a highly respected brain doctor last year. He is very opinionated, but argues because he wants to convince you to see it the way he sees it, which can be VERY frustrating. He is getting better at realizing that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and he needs to respect that.
Tyler on the other hand is so afraid of rejection, being embarrassed and being told NO, that it seriously hinders any attempts he makes to get a job or do much of anything in life right now. He would rather apply online, which is fine, but then he doesn't follow up because he doesn't want to "bug" people. I understand this, I was much the same way when I was younger, but I'm sure that getting my first job at 14 years old helped squash some of that. When I think back to where I thought Tyler would be at this point in his life, I NEVER imagined the changes that would take place in him during his last year of high school. He seems lost and we do our best to help guide him but again, he HAS to figure things out for himself. I think we have been very patient, even though it's very frustrating and heartbreaking to watch. Tyler is not one to tell us his feelings or thoughts & confronting him goes absolutely no where so we wait & hope & pray that he finds his way soon.
It's unfortunate when people feel the need to tell us how they would handle things if it were "their" kids or give us advice we did not ask for, especially when they don't have children as old as ours or they have no children at all. People can say they would "kick their kids out" or "cut them off" but could they really? Did they have their lifes all figured out when they were 18 and 14? I know I sure didn't!
Do you turn your back on your oldest because he has been diagnosed as bi-polar but is old enough not to take his meds or see a counselor if he doesn't want to and is struggling to figure out who he is and who he wants to be? Do you turn your back on your middle child, who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8 and struggles so hard to learn that school is pure torture for him? Do you turn your back on them because they make choices that you don't agree with? Or do you allow them to continue on their own path, even if you have to watch them stumble but you know that in the end who and what they become is up to them?
I ask myself everyday "where did we go wrong"...there is no answer to that question for any parent. Did we spoil our kids, give them too much, give in too often, not set enough rules? Maybe. Do we continue to support them, even when they do things we don't agree with? Yes because we LOVE them, faults, mistakes and all. Would they be better off if we had raised them in the church? Maybe...who really knows???? What I do know is the past is the past, there is no guarantee for the future and all we can do is live each day to the best of our ability. I strive to do that and to be thankful everyday for what I DO have.
I know I'm rambling...as usual my mind is filled with so much! Thank goodness my blog doesn't have many followers...LOL, it's more a journal for myself than anything. My heart is often very heavy because I feel that at this age things should feel more secure in life. These are tough times for so many and I know there are many out there worse off than us. On the other hand I often find myself asking why there are others that have so much, when we have so little. Why does it seem that we have had more than our fair share of struggles, especially the past 2 years, while others don't seem to struggle at all? When I get these thoughts, I immediately feel guilty for not being content with what I do have. My mind never stops going in circles around these things, it's very frustrating some times. I AM very blessed with so much, a wonderful supporive husband who loves me unconditionally, healthy children, good job, great family and friends. I am indeed blessed.
I do have some worrisome health news regarding myself, which I will write about seperately since this post has become so long. Going to relax with my sweet Rio and beautiful Tessa. Love to you all and hope life is treating you well.
12/28/09
Tessa Lou Lou's surgery day...
Tessa had surgery today. She has a condition called Reflux. When urine empties into your bladder there are flaps, one on each side of your bladder, that close once the urine has emptied into your bladder. Tessa's flaps don't close which causes urine to run back up the tubes to her kidneys. This causes infections and can ultimately cause kidney damage. Tessa was diagnosed with this condition 3 years ago. Ultimately we have been waiting to see if she would outgrow it or whether it would correct itself, as in some cases it does. When she had her yearly tests in September the Dr finally said that it was time to correct it.
There were two options for surgery, one option ensures only a 75-80% success, the other option ensures 97% but is more invasive. We decided that if we were going to do it we were going to do option 2 in order to give her the best chance of success.
The first procedure she had done today is called a Cystoscopy, they go in with a scope, that has a lens and a light, inserted into the bladder through the urethra to look for abnormalities. They did this on the right side because that side wasn't as bad. They then correct the abnormalities that they find, which is not too major (they don't really know how bad it will be until they are in there).
The other procedure she had done today is called a Ureteral reimplant where they repair the backward flow of urine from the bladder to the kidney. They did this on her left side. She has a small incision just above her pubic bone.
We opted not to give Tessa much information about what was going to happen today because she already has such awful anxiety that we knew she would have a come apart. We told her (yesterday) that we had to go to the hospital for more tests and that they would put her to sleep like they do for the tests she has had before. She was actually pretty ok with it. We asked that she be given Versaid today to help her relax before they took her back to surgery because normally when she has testing done I go in with her. Since I wouldn't be able to go in with her this time we knew that would upset her (she has had really bad seperation anxiety the last little while - not even wanting to sleep over at her BFF's house because she will "miss us too much" - not sure if this is a result of all the stress in our lives the past year or moving from our house to my sister's to recently moving to an apartment...).
The surgery was almost 2 hours long and everything went fine. She was very weepy & agitated coming out of the anesthesia so they gave her something to help calm her down and we were in Post op for quite a while since she was asleep. We left our apartment at 5:45 AM this morning for surgery and got back home around 12:00 noon.
Once we got home and started on her pain medication she seemed to be doing ok except that she kept saying she was sick to her stomach and was going to throw up. Then she started itching and she was all over the place...playing or walking around one minute and then crying and complaining of pain the next. I expected this, it's common after anesthesia. At around 8:30 PM after her 3rd dose of pain meds (1/2 dose); she finally threw up so we called the Dr. and got something for nausea. She had only slept about 1/2 hour in the 8 1/2 hours we had been home today so the pain meds most likely need to be changed to something different. I will have to call the Dr. tomorrow and discuss it with him.
Here are some pictures of her big day...
Finally crashed at about 9 PM after puking up her pain meds!
There were two options for surgery, one option ensures only a 75-80% success, the other option ensures 97% but is more invasive. We decided that if we were going to do it we were going to do option 2 in order to give her the best chance of success.
The first procedure she had done today is called a Cystoscopy, they go in with a scope, that has a lens and a light, inserted into the bladder through the urethra to look for abnormalities. They did this on the right side because that side wasn't as bad. They then correct the abnormalities that they find, which is not too major (they don't really know how bad it will be until they are in there).
The other procedure she had done today is called a Ureteral reimplant where they repair the backward flow of urine from the bladder to the kidney. They did this on her left side. She has a small incision just above her pubic bone.
We opted not to give Tessa much information about what was going to happen today because she already has such awful anxiety that we knew she would have a come apart. We told her (yesterday) that we had to go to the hospital for more tests and that they would put her to sleep like they do for the tests she has had before. She was actually pretty ok with it. We asked that she be given Versaid today to help her relax before they took her back to surgery because normally when she has testing done I go in with her. Since I wouldn't be able to go in with her this time we knew that would upset her (she has had really bad seperation anxiety the last little while - not even wanting to sleep over at her BFF's house because she will "miss us too much" - not sure if this is a result of all the stress in our lives the past year or moving from our house to my sister's to recently moving to an apartment...).
The surgery was almost 2 hours long and everything went fine. She was very weepy & agitated coming out of the anesthesia so they gave her something to help calm her down and we were in Post op for quite a while since she was asleep. We left our apartment at 5:45 AM this morning for surgery and got back home around 12:00 noon.
Once we got home and started on her pain medication she seemed to be doing ok except that she kept saying she was sick to her stomach and was going to throw up. Then she started itching and she was all over the place...playing or walking around one minute and then crying and complaining of pain the next. I expected this, it's common after anesthesia. At around 8:30 PM after her 3rd dose of pain meds (1/2 dose); she finally threw up so we called the Dr. and got something for nausea. She had only slept about 1/2 hour in the 8 1/2 hours we had been home today so the pain meds most likely need to be changed to something different. I will have to call the Dr. tomorrow and discuss it with him.
Here are some pictures of her big day...
Being goofy in the first room we were in while she had vitals taken and changed into "hospital" jammies.
The child advocate (not sure if that is the correct term) explaining to Tessa about the gas mask, the IV, the pulse ox, etc. Tessa got bored with this after a few minutes but she did get to pick out Watermelon smell for her gas mask and said she wanted to be wheeled to surgery in a wagon, not a wheelchair...LOL
Recovery room with her dog "Snowy". She was NOT happy and just wanted to go home! At this point she still did not really understand that she had had surgery. She was very groggy and agitated, they gave her meds to calm her down and she was just starting to fall back to sleep.
On our way home. This was while I was at the Pharmacy Kiosk getting her medication filled.
Just got home & settled onto mommy's bed. She is checking out the gas mask that they let her keep (she had asked if she could have it when she met with the child advocate lady).
Finally crashed at about 9 PM after puking up her pain meds!We spent most of the afternoon watching her movies, counting the change in her piggy banks, playing with her beads and rocks and having her tell me over and over again "I wish I didn't have to have surgery, this is the worst day ever"! When we first got home today, when she was finally awake enough to understand, I explained that the pain she was having (she kept saying it hurt) was the incision. I explained that she had an owie where the Dr. did surgery to fix the problems so she won't have infections anymore. It's pretty difficult for a 6 year old to understand the whole "bladder infection" thing let alone the surgery that was done.
As she got weepy a little while later she said "I wish you didn't sign me up for surgery"! I almost laughed out loud...LOL! She has voiced that a few times today but I keep trying to explain that it will help so she won't get infections anymore.
Anywhoooo....all in all she is doing well and I hope her recovery continues to go well. I hope she will get lots of rest tonight and that the nausea meds will help her so she can still take her medicine for pain.
It's a scary thing to have your child (or any family member, etc) go under anesthesia. I am so thankful and feel very blessed that everything went well. I know she will rebound well, she is resiliant and amazing!
12/23/09
Holidays...
Still a few lbs under goal weight and almost 2 years post WLS!!! This amazes me since I have not been eating well or taking care of myself nearly as well as I should!
Wow I am behind on blogging, just like everything else these days! I didn't even attempt to get Christmas cards out this year...just. wasn't. happening!
Quick updates...
We finally moved into an apartment almost 2 weeks ago. We went from our "white trash" house to a "ghetto" (but very affordable) apartment...LOL! We lived with my sister & her hubby for 3 1/2 months...we can't thank them enough for helping us in our time of need!
Tyler & Colton both moved back from SG last weekend. Tyler had been working down there and Colton had been attending Tuacahn High School. It was harder on all of us than any of us thought it would be & my mom has had some health problems over the past few months, so we decided to bring Colton home. We struggled with him not being able to finish the school year at Tuacahn because he really liked it there, was doing well and had made great friends. We looked at other options as far as living arrangements that would allow him to finish the year down there but we ultimately decided that it's just ALOT for anyone to take on so we brought him home. Our apartment is not in the boundries for the school he last attended up here but yesterday I was able to obtain a permit for him to go back to school there for the remainder of the year. We had looked at other charter school options also but most wouldn't take a new student mid year. Colton is not especially thrilled about going back to his old school but at this point it's the best option we have.
As always it seems that so many things are "up in the air"...like juggling 20 balls at once. We can't ever seem to get even one issue resolved before another pops up. Last weekend as I was still unpacking, trying to get things put away, putting up the Christmas tree and babysitting my nephews & neice...I was THIS CLOSE to a breakdown! That happened at the same time that my brother, my dad and Rio's parents stopped by! It wasn't so much all the people that were there, it was me being OVERWHELMED with everything I needed to get done! My mental psyche has really taken some big hits this past 12-18 months with everything that has gone on & I constantly marvel at my ability to get through each day...LOL!
The apartment we rented is a 2 bdroom, 2 bath...we didn't realize the boys would be moving home at the time we rented it. So...the boys are "sharing" Tessa's room, with only 1 twin bed, the other sleeps on the couch. Tessa sleeps with us, which she has pretty much done for years anyway haha! It's a little crowded but we are all very rarely home at the same time so it's working ok so far.
The holidays have never been as difficult for me as they are this year. We are broke, we just moved, it's 2 days before Christmas and I am still not sure how we will purchase gifts for the kids! We are up to our foreheads in debt, we lost our house, our 2 oldest haven't quite figured out what they are doing in life, this list goes on and on....BUT...at the same time there are so many things to be thankful for and I work hard to remind myself of that everyday!
We are healthy, we have a roof over our head, food on our table and clothes on our back. We have loving family & friends who are always there for us. I have THE BEST husband in the world...he is so amazing that there are not words to describe him. I would be lost without him!
So...Happy Holidays to all...I hope you are faring well in these tough times. Love ya!
Wow I am behind on blogging, just like everything else these days! I didn't even attempt to get Christmas cards out this year...just. wasn't. happening!
Quick updates...
We finally moved into an apartment almost 2 weeks ago. We went from our "white trash" house to a "ghetto" (but very affordable) apartment...LOL! We lived with my sister & her hubby for 3 1/2 months...we can't thank them enough for helping us in our time of need!
Tyler & Colton both moved back from SG last weekend. Tyler had been working down there and Colton had been attending Tuacahn High School. It was harder on all of us than any of us thought it would be & my mom has had some health problems over the past few months, so we decided to bring Colton home. We struggled with him not being able to finish the school year at Tuacahn because he really liked it there, was doing well and had made great friends. We looked at other options as far as living arrangements that would allow him to finish the year down there but we ultimately decided that it's just ALOT for anyone to take on so we brought him home. Our apartment is not in the boundries for the school he last attended up here but yesterday I was able to obtain a permit for him to go back to school there for the remainder of the year. We had looked at other charter school options also but most wouldn't take a new student mid year. Colton is not especially thrilled about going back to his old school but at this point it's the best option we have.
As always it seems that so many things are "up in the air"...like juggling 20 balls at once. We can't ever seem to get even one issue resolved before another pops up. Last weekend as I was still unpacking, trying to get things put away, putting up the Christmas tree and babysitting my nephews & neice...I was THIS CLOSE to a breakdown! That happened at the same time that my brother, my dad and Rio's parents stopped by! It wasn't so much all the people that were there, it was me being OVERWHELMED with everything I needed to get done! My mental psyche has really taken some big hits this past 12-18 months with everything that has gone on & I constantly marvel at my ability to get through each day...LOL!
The apartment we rented is a 2 bdroom, 2 bath...we didn't realize the boys would be moving home at the time we rented it. So...the boys are "sharing" Tessa's room, with only 1 twin bed, the other sleeps on the couch. Tessa sleeps with us, which she has pretty much done for years anyway haha! It's a little crowded but we are all very rarely home at the same time so it's working ok so far.
The holidays have never been as difficult for me as they are this year. We are broke, we just moved, it's 2 days before Christmas and I am still not sure how we will purchase gifts for the kids! We are up to our foreheads in debt, we lost our house, our 2 oldest haven't quite figured out what they are doing in life, this list goes on and on....BUT...at the same time there are so many things to be thankful for and I work hard to remind myself of that everyday!
We are healthy, we have a roof over our head, food on our table and clothes on our back. We have loving family & friends who are always there for us. I have THE BEST husband in the world...he is so amazing that there are not words to describe him. I would be lost without him!
So...Happy Holidays to all...I hope you are faring well in these tough times. Love ya!
10/6/09
Updates...
118 lbs lost; 8 lbs UNDER goal weight! Stress will do that to ya! I used to EAT, EAT, EAT when I was stressed...now I have learned not to. The flip side is that I am not eating as well as I should nor getting enough water in. I have been sick alot lately so my body is definately not happy with me...but I just keep plugging along!
I am way behind...so much going on the past few months that I haven't even known where to start as far as updates. I will try to keep it short.
We lost our house (crappy economy / long story) but I pretty much see it as a blessing in disguise; a chance to start over. Anyone who knows us knows that we HATED the house we lived for the past 8 1/2 years. It's a long story how we came to be there but the reason we stayed was for our kids and we really do love the area. They boys were getting older and wanted to attend the middle school/high school with their friends...so we stayed. The house was VERY old and although we did some renovations over the years we could never get it completely done and the parts we would get done would end up having problems (water leak) and we would have to tear them out. It was a disaster and I am glad to be out of there.
The downside...we are currently living with my sister and her husband (the downside being that they have to put up with us!). We are so thankful to them for letting us crash there. Since the boys are both in SG it's just me, Rio & Tessa. My sis has a very nice large room in her basement that we share. It's big enough for a bed, dressers, TV, computer desk, etc. and has a nice large closet. It's working out fine and I hope we aren't too much of a burden on them. They are so kind to take us in until we can find a place of our own again.
Tessa started 1st grade in September. Week nights are hectic! Monday = soccer games. Tuesday = dance class. Wednesday = gymnastics. Friday = soccer practice. Weekends usually entail at least one sleep over! Just one kid at home right now and I can barely keep up! All the weeknight stuff takes place after working all day so it can make for long days! She is still our sweet girl and she keeps us smiling!
Colton is doing well in SG. He likes the high school and has made friends. He still misses us and his friends up here of course but he is learning alot down there. He is working hard to complete his community service (125 hours by Dec 1st - sentance was given on 8/26/09). My mom keeps him on his toes...he is getting better at chores; helping around the house; completing his homework; cleaning up after himself; being responsible, etc. He is still our big hearted, loving, stubborn Colton! He visited for a weekend recently and I didn't see him much but that's ok. He had a nice time with his friends. Rio has been down to SG quite a bit for work so he sees him alot. I hope to be able to visit down there soon.
Tyler...where to start...moved to Hawaii at the end of July; found out it was too late to register for school; decided to come back so he could attend Dixie State. After a NIGHTMARE experience trying to get him a flight home he started school a few days late so they had dropped his classes. He got that straightened out and has been living with my mom also (poor Brenda has her hands full)! He visited a few weekeends in a row up here in SLC and I could tell he wasn't doing well. He NEVER talks to us about anything so it's hard to know what's up with him most of the time. He commented that he didn't like Dixie and as I dug harder I discovered that he felt he didn't fit in anywhere. Because of some past history with him, genetics and some other factors I finally convinced him to see a Dr. in SG because I suspected his depression was worse than we knew. The doctor diagnosed him as Bi-Polar, Type 2 (emotional depression) and started him on medication. It's only been a few weeks & he doesn't spend much time at my mom's so it's hard to know if anything is improving. In the meantime we hadn't been able to pay his tuition or work on getting any type of financial aid or loans so his classes got dropped. He is due in court this week to receive his sentance for the "stolen ring" incident earlier this year. We are extremely worried about him. Rio actually went to spend some time in SG this week to see if we can help get him headed in the right direction. He is actually back at Dixie State now taking 2 classes so that he will still qualify for his (small) scholarship for next semester. I imagine he will be sentanced to ALOT of community service hours and on top of that we have been encouraging him to get a job. This is a tough time in a person's life and we are trying to support him while encouraging him to be more responsible and learn to take care of himself and not rely on us so much. His diagnosis makes it difficult because we don't know as much about it as we need to; I have been doing some research though. But Tyler won't go to counseling either which I think would help alot. It's frustrating and sad and breaks my heart to see my children suffering!
I want to "fix" everything for everyone and I can't and it KILLS me!
So much going on this past year or so; so many emotions; so many ups & downs (more downs than ups!). It's a roller coaster ride and I am hanging on for dear life!
I try to stay positive but it's not easy. Some days I wonder what I did to deserve all the CRAP - if I knew what I had done or who I had offended I would apologize and make it right. Other days I am somewhat at peace knowing that everything happens for a reason and I am where I am supposed to be. Easier said than done most days!
BUT...I love my family, I have the BEST husband in the world and he loves me and that's all that matters. We WILL get through this and move forward...there is no other option!
I am way behind...so much going on the past few months that I haven't even known where to start as far as updates. I will try to keep it short.
We lost our house (crappy economy / long story) but I pretty much see it as a blessing in disguise; a chance to start over. Anyone who knows us knows that we HATED the house we lived for the past 8 1/2 years. It's a long story how we came to be there but the reason we stayed was for our kids and we really do love the area. They boys were getting older and wanted to attend the middle school/high school with their friends...so we stayed. The house was VERY old and although we did some renovations over the years we could never get it completely done and the parts we would get done would end up having problems (water leak) and we would have to tear them out. It was a disaster and I am glad to be out of there.
The downside...we are currently living with my sister and her husband (the downside being that they have to put up with us!). We are so thankful to them for letting us crash there. Since the boys are both in SG it's just me, Rio & Tessa. My sis has a very nice large room in her basement that we share. It's big enough for a bed, dressers, TV, computer desk, etc. and has a nice large closet. It's working out fine and I hope we aren't too much of a burden on them. They are so kind to take us in until we can find a place of our own again.
Tessa started 1st grade in September. Week nights are hectic! Monday = soccer games. Tuesday = dance class. Wednesday = gymnastics. Friday = soccer practice. Weekends usually entail at least one sleep over! Just one kid at home right now and I can barely keep up! All the weeknight stuff takes place after working all day so it can make for long days! She is still our sweet girl and she keeps us smiling!
Colton is doing well in SG. He likes the high school and has made friends. He still misses us and his friends up here of course but he is learning alot down there. He is working hard to complete his community service (125 hours by Dec 1st - sentance was given on 8/26/09). My mom keeps him on his toes...he is getting better at chores; helping around the house; completing his homework; cleaning up after himself; being responsible, etc. He is still our big hearted, loving, stubborn Colton! He visited for a weekend recently and I didn't see him much but that's ok. He had a nice time with his friends. Rio has been down to SG quite a bit for work so he sees him alot. I hope to be able to visit down there soon.
Tyler...where to start...moved to Hawaii at the end of July; found out it was too late to register for school; decided to come back so he could attend Dixie State. After a NIGHTMARE experience trying to get him a flight home he started school a few days late so they had dropped his classes. He got that straightened out and has been living with my mom also (poor Brenda has her hands full)! He visited a few weekeends in a row up here in SLC and I could tell he wasn't doing well. He NEVER talks to us about anything so it's hard to know what's up with him most of the time. He commented that he didn't like Dixie and as I dug harder I discovered that he felt he didn't fit in anywhere. Because of some past history with him, genetics and some other factors I finally convinced him to see a Dr. in SG because I suspected his depression was worse than we knew. The doctor diagnosed him as Bi-Polar, Type 2 (emotional depression) and started him on medication. It's only been a few weeks & he doesn't spend much time at my mom's so it's hard to know if anything is improving. In the meantime we hadn't been able to pay his tuition or work on getting any type of financial aid or loans so his classes got dropped. He is due in court this week to receive his sentance for the "stolen ring" incident earlier this year. We are extremely worried about him. Rio actually went to spend some time in SG this week to see if we can help get him headed in the right direction. He is actually back at Dixie State now taking 2 classes so that he will still qualify for his (small) scholarship for next semester. I imagine he will be sentanced to ALOT of community service hours and on top of that we have been encouraging him to get a job. This is a tough time in a person's life and we are trying to support him while encouraging him to be more responsible and learn to take care of himself and not rely on us so much. His diagnosis makes it difficult because we don't know as much about it as we need to; I have been doing some research though. But Tyler won't go to counseling either which I think would help alot. It's frustrating and sad and breaks my heart to see my children suffering!
I want to "fix" everything for everyone and I can't and it KILLS me!
So much going on this past year or so; so many emotions; so many ups & downs (more downs than ups!). It's a roller coaster ride and I am hanging on for dear life!
I try to stay positive but it's not easy. Some days I wonder what I did to deserve all the CRAP - if I knew what I had done or who I had offended I would apologize and make it right. Other days I am somewhat at peace knowing that everything happens for a reason and I am where I am supposed to be. Easier said than done most days!
BUT...I love my family, I have the BEST husband in the world and he loves me and that's all that matters. We WILL get through this and move forward...there is no other option!
8/17/09
Pictures...
Tyler, Colton, Tessa (holding Dot), Rio, MeBostwick family reunion
Jordanelle, July 2009
This is the last family photo we had taken before Tyler moved to Hawaii & Colton moved to St. George for school!
Tessa, August 2009She has her own unique sense of style.
She found this "skull cap" in the men's section at Walmart and HAD to have it!
Take special notice of the new high top Sketchers that are VERY bright & the socks pulled up to the knees...very reminiscent of the 80's...LOL! Gotta love this kid!!
Tessa's 6th Birthday - August 12, 2009. Love the "press on" nails? She wore these for a day or two but hated the sticky feeling on her nails when we pulled them off!
Tessa's 6th Birthday with her cousins & friends. We had so many people over it was standing room only! She is a very lucky girl to have so many people that love her!
Our family is really very lucky to have so many wonderful friends and family. They showed up in droves for Tessa's party and she got so many fabulous, thougthful gifts. She has a very small bedroom made even worse by how much "stuff" she has in it (can you say spoiled?). Since the boys are now gone I have been trying to move a few things down to the family room in the basement so her room isn't stuffed to the gills!
Tessa starts 1st grade next week...holy hannah!!!! My baby is growing up so fast!
BTW...Tyler is headed home from Hawaii. It was too late to register for school over there. I tried to tell him to just get a job, work & save money and then go to school next semester but he wanted to come home & go to Dixie (which starts in a week). So he will be home some time tomrorow. I'm anxious to see if there is more to the story...I don't think he was real comfortable with his dad & his dad's wife but I could be wrong. Tyler is "HM" (high maintenance) and likes things "just so"...so when things don't work out exactly like he thinks they should he gets anxious...which in turns causes me major anxiety! We don't know exactly where he will live in SG or how he will get around...so much to figure out in the next few days!
Colton enjoyed his first week at Tuacahn High School and has already made some friends. Old habits die HARD though and as much as we hoped he was done with certain things...apparently he isn't! He wants so badly to be in charge of his own life and make his own decisions...I keep telling him that until he is 18 WE make the decisions for him and apparently he can't make good decisions anyway! *SIGH*...the drama continues!
8/14/09
Catching up...again...
-117 lbs; that's 7 lbs UNDER goal weight...woot woot! WLS + economy + stress = additional weight loss...
I am way behind on blogging/journaling...*sigh*!
Tessa turned 6 years old earlier this week! She is growing up so fast. We had lots of family and friends over for cake & ice cream! I will try to post pics soon. She has developed her own unique sense of style lateley...not sure what's up with her & her OCD about her clothes/socks/shoes, etc...she cracks me up!
Colton started school on Monday (Aug. 10th) in St. George. He is attending Tuacahn High School for the Arts this year & living with my mom. His "academy" at school is Graphic Art Design. We HAD to get him out of SLC and this was a great opportunity. Very emotional for all of us and hard to have him gone. He was there for a few weeks before school and he was bored and angry; then we had him home for about 10 days; then back to SG where we spent 4 days with him last weekend before school started. So far he says he likes the school, his teachers and his classes so it's been a pretty good week for him. We sincerely hope this will be a positive experience for all of us but especially for him!
Tyler left for Hawaii with his dad & his dad's wife on July 29th. They had a few problems with housing once they got there but they now have a place to live. Tyler is applying to the University of Hawaii for admission; he can transfer his scholarship from Dixie if he is accepted. We should know in the next few days. I think he is having a good time but he is also very far away and that is hard on all of us! He is getting to know his dad better which is good...not sure that he is all that comfortable with his dad's wife though...
Both boys were due in court last week over the "stolen ring" thing from back at the end of May. Tyler had already left for Hawaii so he wasn't there. The judge set up new court dates for both of them. Colton's is later this month; right smack in the middle of the week so he will have to miss school and Rio will have to make a marathon trip to SG to bring him up and get him back there so he only misses one day of school
Tyler's court date is in October...so we have to come up with money for a plane ticket to get him home for court...what a pain in the keyster! Not sure how that will effect school...if he doesn't get into school over there I think his plan is just to come home for court and then just stay here...not sure how I feel about that plan. Although I miss him; I really wanted him to experience Hawaii , go to college, get a job, learn responsibility, etc...but it's his decision to make.
We had some family reunions in July that were alot of fun...will have to post pics soon.
Work is crazy busy for both Rio & I. Life in general has been pretty damn NUTS for the past year or so and I desperately need to sit down and relax but it never seems to work out that way. Most days I feel as though I am treading water and barely keeping my nostrils above the surface...such is life I guess. Even with just one kid at home right now it still hasn't slowed down! My boys are in other states/cities and I still can't keep up with everything!
TTFN!
Will try to post pictures soon!
I am way behind on blogging/journaling...*sigh*!
Tessa turned 6 years old earlier this week! She is growing up so fast. We had lots of family and friends over for cake & ice cream! I will try to post pics soon. She has developed her own unique sense of style lateley...not sure what's up with her & her OCD about her clothes/socks/shoes, etc...she cracks me up!
Colton started school on Monday (Aug. 10th) in St. George. He is attending Tuacahn High School for the Arts this year & living with my mom. His "academy" at school is Graphic Art Design. We HAD to get him out of SLC and this was a great opportunity. Very emotional for all of us and hard to have him gone. He was there for a few weeks before school and he was bored and angry; then we had him home for about 10 days; then back to SG where we spent 4 days with him last weekend before school started. So far he says he likes the school, his teachers and his classes so it's been a pretty good week for him. We sincerely hope this will be a positive experience for all of us but especially for him!
Tyler left for Hawaii with his dad & his dad's wife on July 29th. They had a few problems with housing once they got there but they now have a place to live. Tyler is applying to the University of Hawaii for admission; he can transfer his scholarship from Dixie if he is accepted. We should know in the next few days. I think he is having a good time but he is also very far away and that is hard on all of us! He is getting to know his dad better which is good...not sure that he is all that comfortable with his dad's wife though...
Both boys were due in court last week over the "stolen ring" thing from back at the end of May. Tyler had already left for Hawaii so he wasn't there. The judge set up new court dates for both of them. Colton's is later this month; right smack in the middle of the week so he will have to miss school and Rio will have to make a marathon trip to SG to bring him up and get him back there so he only misses one day of school
Tyler's court date is in October...so we have to come up with money for a plane ticket to get him home for court...what a pain in the keyster! Not sure how that will effect school...if he doesn't get into school over there I think his plan is just to come home for court and then just stay here...not sure how I feel about that plan. Although I miss him; I really wanted him to experience Hawaii , go to college, get a job, learn responsibility, etc...but it's his decision to make.
We had some family reunions in July that were alot of fun...will have to post pics soon.
Work is crazy busy for both Rio & I. Life in general has been pretty damn NUTS for the past year or so and I desperately need to sit down and relax but it never seems to work out that way. Most days I feel as though I am treading water and barely keeping my nostrils above the surface...such is life I guess. Even with just one kid at home right now it still hasn't slowed down! My boys are in other states/cities and I still can't keep up with everything!
TTFN!
Will try to post pictures soon!
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