Weight Loss...

I started this blog as a way to track my weight loss journey & it has turned into more of a "journal" for me...which is a good thing. I really do treat it like a journal & I write whatever I am feeling at the moment or about things going on in my life & with my family.

I figured I would go back to some basics about my weight loss surgery & how far I have come because some days; even though I know I have achieved something great; I have a hard time concentrating on what I have achieved. I tend to focus on the things that I still want to change about my body...I believe I am what is referred to as a "pessimist"! haha

I had Weight Loss Surgery (Gastric Bypass) on Jan. 7, 2008. This surgery reduces your stomach to about the size of a fist & re-routes your intestines. I am 5'8" tall & I weighed 260 lbs on the day of my surgery. My BMI (Body Mass Index) was 39.5. I wore a size 22/24 pants & most of the time a size 26/28 shirt although I tended to wear REALLY baggy things to cover up the fat...like that really helped! I was the fattest I had ever been on the day I had WLS.

I was not overweight as a child or adolescent; infact I was very active. I ran track, danced, did drill team, etc. up thru my first year of college. I put on weight; like a lot of us do; starting in my 20's after having my first child, getting divorced & then re-married, getting comfortable, eating what I wanted, not exercising and having 2 more children and eating, eating, eating.

Due to my weight gain I had back problems, high blood pressure, sleep apnea & acid reflux...I had taken prescriptions for all of these things for years & had a CPAP machine for breathing while I slept. All of those have gone away since my surgery...except the lower back pain (I had 2 bulging discs & had surgery in 2003) & that may never go away...bad genes I guess!

I am a worrier; I stress alot & I became a stress eater...although I have gotten better the past few years at managing my stress. I also have a sweet tooth that was out of control! I drank Diet Dr. Pepper & ate candy all day long!

My goal was to lose 110 lbs in a year; my goal weight was 150 lbs; a good weight for my height; a weight I had not seen for about 15 years or so. I reached my goal in 11 months & contrary to what some may think...it was not "easy". The surgery, the smaller stomach, the food restrictions, the head hunger...it was tough...it's still tough most days but it's worth it! I am now in the "maintenance" phase. I tend to stay right at about -113 lbs lost...which is a few under my goal weight...I can live with that.

One thing I have a hard time with is "the SAG". I've watched ALOT of shows over the years about WLS & people who have lost large amounts of weight rapidly...your skin obviously does not shrink so there is some SAG. My stomach is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, although it's definately not pretty...LOL! I do have the "bat wings" or what some call "relief society arms" that probably don't look as bad as I think they do. My legs have some sag, it's worse on my upper legs than on my calves. I have no butt anymore...the little bit I do have...you guessed it...it SAGS!

I never had much in the "rack" department...infact as I gained weight I didn't want to look like a "pear" so I started wearing "enhancements" (or what we like to call chicken breasts) in my bra to even out my figure. As I have lost weight I have continued to wear my "enhancements" so that some people have asked if I have had a boob job (I wish). My face shows more wrinkles because there is no fat to fill it out...so while I am skinnier now I feel like I look older in my face.

I look pretty "OK" with clothes on...it's my naked self that I have issues with...LOL. There are things that clothes can hide & there are support garments that can be a girls best friend! Are we EVER happy with our body? I was actually more comfortable wearing a swimming suit when I had fat to fill it out...now I hesitate to even put one one (I don't currently even own one) because the loose skin jiggles when I move...not a pretty sight! Most of the time I will wear my bra; with my enhancements in it; under my swimming suit so that no one can tell how flat chested I really am! I have worn swimming suits that have the "skirt" on the bottom for YEARS and when/if I purchase one this year I will still buy one with a skirt...to help cover a little bit of the sag...when I walk I can look down and see the skin on my legs just flapping about...not pretty!

Some day I want to have plastic surgery if/when I can afford it. The Dr's recommend you hit your goal first and then maintain the weight loss for a while...18-24 months after WLS; they don't recommend plastic surgery before that time. I used to think all I wanted was a tummy tuck...I can always pad my bra to appear sufficient in that area...but I have now decided that I could benefit from a lower body lift & a boob job! LOL!!

BUT...WLS is the best thing I ever did for myself. I feel better than I have in many, many years! I have more energy, I don't get tired walking up & down the stairs to the laundry room. I can bend over to tie my shoes instead of putting one foot up on the other leg to tie them sideways because my huge belly isn't in the way anymore.

I am not 100 degrees warmer than other people all the time...I never wore sweaters in the winter because I was always hot; summer was hard for me. I had a fan in my bathroom for YEARS; sitting on the counter or the back of the toilet seat; because when I would get ready for work my face would sweat making it hard to put my makeup on or do my hair.

I am now a size 6/8 and wear medium sized shirts. I can shop at stores that I haven't been able to shop at in years...my feet even shrunk 1/2 size! This is an ongoing journey but I have much to be proud of & I need to remember that!

The Dr.'s want WLS patients to start walking & eventually exercising on a regular basis after surgery. It helps with the bloating from surgery, the weight loss & eventually helps tone you up. I did ok in the beginning but I couldn't figure out why they couldn't implant a love of exercise at the time of surgery! For as active as I was in my younger days I have discovered that; just like when I was fat; I still don't enjoy exercise. I envy people that do it for fun or just because they love it. Finding the time for it has always been an issue...I've been told to "make time" and that is easier said than done. I started back to the gym a few months ago only to sprain my ankle really bad as I was leaving the gym on the 2nd day! My ankle still gives me a hard time...I probably should go to the Dr to have it looked at. WLS patients have mal-absorption issues & we take certain vitamins for the rest of our lives. Who knows...maybe we don't heal as well from things like sprained ankles or maybe I did more than sprain it!

At this point I have figured out that I can't complain about not exercising and/or toning up if I don't take the time do it...it's obviously not important enough to me right now or I would do it...although I have been thinking about it more and more lately...time will tell if I get it done I guess.

One thing that I don't like is that I seem to have issues with my memory; I have heard that alot from other WLS patients on the support sites. My brain seems to feel "fuzzy" alot. I used to have a photographic memory & I was very organized all the time...that seems to have changed somewhat & it's frustrating. But...I never had any other health issues due to the surgery; like some people do; and for that I am extremely grateful!

All in all I am happy with where I am. I do sometimes eat things I shouldn't but I try not to kick myself over it. I still don't eat many carbs...no bread, rice, pasta, etc. I stick to the proteins & vegetables as much as I can. I don't like to cook...never have...so I make do with small protein filled things or I make a batch of chili or chicken enchilada soup & I eat them for weeks at a time (food is fuel, not entertainment). I still don't love to drink water; even when it's flavored with Propel & I drink too many blended coffees (my daily treats & a "no no"...we aren't supposed to drink our calories & caffeine stimulates hunger). I will eat a few Peanut Butter M&M's here & there...not too many or it makes me nauseous. I sometimes have popcorn or a bite of chocolate but for the most part my eating is not out of control like it was before WLS. I NEVER want to be that fat again!

I am no where near perfect in this journey but I can live with what I have acheived so far. I just need to remember each day that I have succeeded & hope that it stays that way & that I don't go back to old habits & gain the weight back.

So...there is it...in a very long nutshell! Thank you & goodnight! :-)

Leaving my baby behind...

Tessa, Rio, Colton, Tyler, Me

At the funeral home for the viewing.

What an emotional weekend we just had. We went to SG on Saturday for 2 reasons...to attend my grandma's viewing & funeral and to move Tyler to SG to live with his dad & get ready to attend Dixie State College in the fall.

We had originally wanted Tyler to move right after graduation; we felt that he needed to get away from the influences up here so that he could get his life in order & prepare for school. A few months back he had pushed back & said he wanted to stay here for the summer & spend it with his friends. A few weeks ago; out of the blue; he changed his tune & said he wanted to move as soon as he graduated. I could see the subtal changes in him; things were shifting; he did not want to continue on the path he was on...I was so thankful that he seemed to be "getting a clue"!

Tyler woke me up at 2:30 am one morning last week...he was very emotional (which is not like him at all). He told me that he wanted to be "done" with all the things he had been doing that he knows he shouldn't be and that he was sorry for all the lies, etc. over the past year. We had a really good talk & I tried to help calm his fears about the upcoming changes. He expressed his desire to move right away so that he could get his head on straight and figure out what he wants. There is nothing harder than seeing your children struggle & try to find their place in this world.

He was both excited & nervous about the upcoming changes. He doesn't really know his dad all that well; they haven't really ever spent much time together. He had stayed with his dad & his dad's new wife back in March when he went to SG to tour Dixie State. They live in a condo & there isn't much room but they said he could come live with them and drive one of their vehicles which was good since we sold his car back in March. They also have 3 dogs...and Tyler is not an animal lover (he has never paid any attention to the one small dog we have).

We left on Saturday morning for SG...me, Rio, Tyler, Colton & Tessa. I can't tell you the last time all 5 of us actually traveled somewhere together (the boys never want to go anywhere with us). Tyler hadn't had much sleep over the past few days...trying to spend time with friends, get packed, etc. plus I think he was worrying alot.

Due to the funeral & all the family gathering we had during the 4 days were there; we actually spent some real quality time as a family. I could tell from conversations with Tyler that he is already realizing how good he has had it all these years. That's not to say it's bad at his dad's house; just different; which is something he will have to get used to.

Tyler spent Monday with us at the funeral; then we went swimming; then out to eat with family. Tyler, Colton & my neice Bayli went to the movie that night & Tyler spent the night with us at Rio's parents. As we prepared to leave SG to head home on Tuesday (yesterday) we dropped him back off at his dad's house...it broke my heart. He gave all of us a big hug (it's been a LONG time since he has hugged any of us) and alot of "I love you's" were said. Rio & I both got choked up; it was so hard to leave him there...even if he has driven us nuts for the past year...LOL! He is my first born baby boy and I will miss him like crazy but I know this is where he needs to be right now.

Colton, Tessa, Tyler

I am crossing my fingers that everything will work out...that he will find a job, save some money, go to college & figure out who he wants to be. I love Tyler with all my heart and he will always be my baby!

Farewell Grandma Rose...

Rose Riding Bostwick; my dad's mother; passed away on June 9, 2009; she was 87 years old. She was the strongest woman I have ever known; raising 6 children on her own & caring for one of her sons; almost single handedly; for years after he was in a paralyzing car accident. She was determined, faithful & loved her family dearly. We were in SG the past couple of days to attend her viewing & funeral & spend time with family. It was very, very nice & Grandma can be proud of those she left behind.

Grandma was the secretary at Dixie High School in St. George for 20 years!

Colton, Me, Rio, Tessa & Tyler at the cemetary.

ST. GEORGE - Rose Riding Bostwick passed into eternity on June 9, 2009, in St. George, Utah, at age 87 years, of causes incident to age. She was born in St. George, Utah on March 20, 1922, to Josephus Riding and Alice Bleak Riding. Rose is the youngest of eleven children. She grew up in a loving home surrounded by family and friends.

Rose met Myrle Wayne Bostwick, who was working in the Civilian Conservation Corps on the Arizona Strip, and they married on March 28, 1942, just prior to Wayne entering military service during World War II. They had six children before divorcing in 1963.

Rose was a life-long member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and came from a number of pioneer families that settled the St. George area. She served in a number of teaching positions and as a member of the Ward Primary presidency, as well as Ward Librarian. She was a member of the Daughters of Utah Pioneers (DUP) and was proud to have several items made by her father and grandfather, Christopher Lister Riding, displayed in the DUP museum in St. George.

Rose was a devoted mother and grandmother. She was always involved in her children's and grandchildren's activities. When her third child, Stanley, was severely injured in an automobile accident in 1968, she dedicated much of her life to his care and well-being until his death in 1993. In the years following her divorce, Rose worked hard to provide for her family and attended school at the College of Southern Utah in Cedar City, Utah, where she graduated from a vocational program in secretarial science in 1965. She is probably best known as the secretary of Dixie High School where she worked from 1965 to 1985. She was a significant positive influence in the lives of countless high-school aged young men and women, including her own children. She participated in many extracurricular activities sponsored by Dixie High School such as chaperoning the Spanish Club on trips to Mexico and taking tickets at numerous school events. She retired from public education in 1987 after working for two years in the offices of the Washington County School District.

Although her time was limited by her responsibilities caring for her family, and particularly Stanley, Rose was active in her Church and the VFW Auxiliary, serving as its President in 1962-1963. She enjoyed traveling, camping, hiking, reading and gardening, as well as family parties, outings and reunions. She was a wonderful cook and enjoyed countless hours making candy and other treats for, and with, family and friends. In the nine years following her retirement from public education, she accomplished her goal of walking five thousand miles as part of her efforts to stay fit and active.

Rose will be greatly missed and we treasure our wonderful memories. She is survived by: four children, Richard Lester Bostwick, Janice (Kenny) Thompson, Michael Edwin (Cathy) Bostwick, Darrel Joseph (Lisa) Bostwick; daughter-in-law Mary Graf Bostwick (Steve) Sevy; 24 grandchildren; and 31 great grandchildren. She was preceded in death by: two sons, Myrle Wayne Bostwick, Jr. and Stanley Bruce Bostwick; her parents; six sisters; and four brothers.

Funeral services will be held Monday, June 15, 2009, at 11:00 a.m., at the St. George LDS Chapel located at 550 E. 700 So., St. George, Utah. Visitation will be held Sunday, June 14, 2009, from 6 - 8 p.m., at Metcalf Mortuary, 288 W. St. George Blvd., and Monday from 9:30 - 10:30 a.m., at the LDS Chapel prior to services. Interment will be in the St. George City Cemetery under the direction of Metcalf Mortuary (435-673-4221).

Rose's family would like to express their gratitude for the kindness and caring shown to her by the staff, administration and residents of The Meadows Retirement Community, as well as the members and leadership of the 29th Branch of the St. George Utah East Stake. Their love and friendship for, and service to Rose in her final years have blessed her life beyond measure.

20 years & counting...

I attended the PVHS Class of '89 reunion this past weekend...20 years since we graduated!! If I had not had my weight loss surgery I would not have attended...I would have been too embarrassed to have my classmates see me like that!

Friday June 5 - we had a Pine View vs. Dixie alumni basketball game that was held at DHS. What a fun time! Meeting up with old friends, watching some b-ball, cheering for our team, smack talkin'...LOL...brings back memories!

L. to R; Front row; Kristin "Kur" Mortensen, LeAnn Lobb, Monica Anderson, Sharla Richards, Lori Crockett. L. to R.; 2nd row; Marth Merrill, Shannon Sampson, Sharley Larsen, Kami Christensen, Margo Bostwick (me). L. to R.; back row; Sheri Cowley, Christy Tobler

L to R; front row; Nate Staheli (10), Colby "Baggs" Nielsen (52), Troy Hunt (21), George Clasmen (55), Chad "Wick" McAllister (can't see his number but it ends in 5). L. to R.; back row; (sorry can't see the back row very well); Beau Gledhill, James "Orv" Anderson, Brad Jolley, Josh Little

Our valiant Pine View High School PANTHERS played an awesome game. In the end...we lost...(92 - 63) BUT...Dixie was running the score board so there may have been some extra points added on for their team...I'm just sayin'! LOL

Saturday June 6 - we had a picnic at Hidden Valley Park...so much fun to see everyone's families & all the kids running around having a great time! Unfortunately the only pictures I took were of my neices and nephews (who happened to be there at the same time)! LOL! But a good time was had by all!!!

That evening we had a dinner at the Hilton Garden Inn. It was a really nice set up & good food, good friends, good fun! Kristen "Kur" Mortensen Snow & her committee did a FABULOUS job! We had a GREAT slide show (thanks Kami Christensen Ekins), played Jeopardy, had prizes...all sorts of fun stuff. And of course we got to mingle some more & get caught up with old friends!Here we are in all our glory...the PVHS Class of '89...well ok just the ones who actually showed up!

There were people that I was looking forward to seeing that; for whatever reason; didn't show up to any of the events so I was kind of bummed. But all in all I had a really good time catching up with everyone. I haven't really kept in touch with anyone since high school until these past 6 months or so when a bunch of us reconnected on Facebook which is how this reunion thing got started.

I'm so glad I went and am so happy to see how well everyone is doing!

Tyler / Swine Flu / Graduation...

-113 lbs lost; -3 lbs under goal weight...still holding...yipeee!

So much to catch up on...I will try to make it short (don't hold your breath)!

Monday June 1st - last week of school...I take a deep breath after everything that has been going on this past year & think "Only a few more days...everything will be fine"...yeah right...not in my world!

Tyler had been sick for a few days, spent most of the weekend in his room resting (although he was up & about a little & did go to a senior dinner dance on Saturday night), we thought he had a cold. Monday morning he was "anxious" about school because he "had" to be there to do last minute stuff & get things signed & make sure he is going to graduate & he still has 3 hours of attendance school to make up but he is feeling like CRAP! His ride doesn't show up to take him to school so now he's late (more attendance issues). I have him drive me to work & I make him go to school & by this time I am almost in full blown panic attack mode because I just dont' think I can take much more! We text back & forth, he is "so sick"...he starts telling me more about his symptoms & I realize that he is sicker than I thought (fever, chills, coughing, etc.). He leaves school early & we go to the After Hours Clinic where they test him for strep (negative), mono (negative) and Influenza A (otherwise known as H1N1 virus or Swine Flu)...POSITIVE!

Yikes...now what? He is already 4 days or so into the flu (with everything that has been going on & all he has been trying to get done so he could graduate he is not positive when his symptoms started) but the Dr. says he is quarantined to our house until Friday...but WAIT...graduation is Thursday night...OMG...what are we going to do?

Tuesday June 2 - I spend over an hour at his school trying to work out whether he actually qualifies to graduate & letting them know he is sick. Because of the Dr. note the school excused his absences from the previous day but he still has 3 hours of attendance to make up which he can't do because he can't come to the school. Tyler's counselor was not in the office that day so I met with one of the Vice Principals who didn't have all the information the counselor has so at one point he tells me Tyler doesn't have enough credits to graduate...which I politely, but firmly tell him is not true. He finally gets that worked out but says that the decision on whether Tyler can attend graduation is not his to make & he will get back to me & that Tyler will have to come in next week & make up the attendance. Colton & Tessa both come home from school sick this day so now we are worried that we are all going to have Swine Flu (they were fine...none of us got it)!

Wednesday June 3 - Graduation practice is that morning & of course Tyler can't attend & I can't reach the VP because he is at the practice. I call Tyler's school counselor & leave a message & hope he will get back to me so I can finalize all this stuff & know for sure whether Tyler will get his diploma or not. He finally calls me back at the end of the day, he confirms that Tyler has enough credits to graduate but that he needs to talk to the VP to find out about making up the 3 hours of attendance. The VP has apparently left for the day so we continue to wait...

Thursday June 4 - GRADUATION DAY! I decide to take Tyler back to the clinic to have him re-tested because although he is tired he has been feeling better & hasn't had chills since he was diagnosed 3 days earlier (his fever was normal that day). We talk to the Dr., he asks a bunch more questions & checks Tyler's vitals & says that Tyler is doing better & he gives him a medical release to attend graduation!! We rush down to the school, meet with his counselor & another VP. They say Tyler can serve his last 3 hours of attendance right then & when he is done he can get his cap & gown & he can attend graduation! Since he missed the graduation practice he will be one of the very last names called (they don't do it in alphabetical order) but we don't care...as long as they call his name!!!!! He will also be able to sing with the A Cappella choir at graduation!

I have the world's WORST camera & it takes too long to focus & snap! They go so fast when calling names that I didn't get a good picutre of him receiving his diploma!

Tyler HATES when I take his picture...I bribed him & brought him a cookie & some gum cause he was starving...LOL! This was before Graduation started.

Hanging with some dudes before Graduation started.

It was a CRAZY week, made even more crazy as I was still trying to get the other 2 kids through their last week of school, work for a few days (the rest I had off already), do laundry & pack for our trip to SG for my 20 year reunion. It seems just when I think things will slow down...they never do!

Tyler is now preparing to move to SG to find a job & get ready to attend Dixie State College. I get the feeling from him that he desperately wants to change some things in his life & I sincerely hope he does. We want only for him to be happy in whatever he chooses to do. We love him so much & will miss him like crazy but we are excited for this next step for him!! Time to move on & into the BIG TIME baby!!!

WE LOVE YOU TYLER ORION BROWN!!!!