PMS...

88 lbs lost; 22 lbs to go to hit my goal...

If you are wondering about the subject of my blog today let me explain. In November 2007 I had a procedure done called an Endometrial Ablation. My periods were so heavy and uncomfortable since having my tubes tied in 2003 that my Dr. and I decided this procedure would be a good thing for me. There is over a 90% chance that your monthly periods will stop all together; a 70% chance they will be greatly reduced...lighter and lasting fewer days.

It's a simple procedure although they do put you under anesthesia; it only lasts a few minutes. They basically go in and "zap" the lining of the uterus so that it sloughs off.

I have been lucky that since the procedure was done I have not had a period...not a single one; which is a blessing. What really sucks is that I still seem to get most of the symptoms of PMS...irritability, a little swelling and tenderness, but mostly awful mood swings and I'm very emotional! :-(

I have been so emotional and irritable the past few days. All I want to do is cry! I sit and think about all the things I do wrong on a daily basis (I do this alot anyway but it's worse during PMS...lol)! I feel worthless and my thoughts are all over the place! I don't sleep well because my brain won't shut down...it just goes in circles; around and around with all these stupid thoughts! It's so tiring and I spend alot of unproductive time dwelling on these idiotic thoughts! When I get like this I tend to eat more (food as comfort) and try as I might to stay away from the "bad" foods...sometimes I make bad choices and then that pushes me further into depression with thoughts of how I am "screwing up my weight loss"...*sigh*.

So...there you have it...my inner most embarrassing thoughts (although they are sometimes far worse than I mention here but I can't give up ALL my secrets)! I really try to stay positive and keep busy (I'm always busy it seems with the kids and their activities) but these yucky thoughts still creep in and sometimes they take over!

On top of that I have been extremely tired the past little bit. My Dr.'s office called today to tell me that the lab work I had done a few weeks ago shows that my Iron is still low...a good indication of why I am so tired. I have been taking an Iron supplement for a few months but apparently I need to bump it up a bit to get my Iron over 50. It's currently at 43.

This isn't a very fun post and for that I apologize. I just feel the need to put it down in words today. Thanks for listening!

American Idol tryouts...

So...American Idol tryouts were today. My oldest son Tyler who is 17 and LOVES music and singing decided to try out. We went yesterday and got registered and got our wristbands and tickets. We had to be at the Energy Solutions Arena this morning at 5:00 am.

Wow...it's amazing how much you learn about how they tape the show when you are in line FOREVER!!!! The ONLY reason they have everyone show up at 5 am is so that they can film everyone in line for the show. All the local news networks also got in their "shots" for the morning news shows and the newspapers were there taking pictures.

We sat outside the ESA in line for almost 3 hours! The line finally started moving at close to 8 am. We moved forward about 100 feet so that they could line a whole bunch of us up on the stairs at the NW corner of the ESA. We then proceeded to do all those opening shots that you will see when American Idol's new season starts. They pan the crowd as we yell and scream and shout "Welcome to Salt Lake City" and all sorts of other random chants. This goes on for a while and then they finally start moving everyone into the building. Auditions were supposed to start at 8 am; by this time it is closer to 9 am.

As we approach the ESA we are told that no outside food or drinks can be brought in other than one bottle of water per person...this is after we had all been given a paper at registration stating to bring food and drinks to keep our energy up and stay hydrated! So there we all are...everyone throwing out bags of food, chips, candy, bottles of gatorade, etc...what a waste!

When we finally get inside we go find our seats which were assigned on the tickets we got at registration. After everyone (all 6000 people give or take) files in and sits down (which takes forever), they start all over again with the shots of the crowd cheering and saying "Welcome to Salt Lake City", "Welcome to Happy Valley", etc., etc., etc...they have us singing songs like "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" and "Get Ready" while they film us singing and cheering etc.

They finally get set up and explain how auditions work...not at all like I imagined. They set up 6 to 12 partitions on the floor of the ESA and explain that everyone will audition in groups of 4. So 4 people at a time go up to a table where a producer sits (no Paula, Randy and Simon were not there today). The table is seperated from the next table by a thin black curtain. Each person will take a step forward and start singing their song until the producer tells them to stop. Once all 4 people in that line are done they will all step up to the table and be told their status.

They start with the first "section" of the arena and start lining people up. They explain that if you are a "winner" and you receive a golden ticket that you exit to the northwest side of the arena after your audition...if you are "not a winner" you exit to the southeast side of the arena and you are then escorted up the stairs and outside the arena...never to return...your AI experience is then over.

Since we were in section 14 of 17 sections full of people we decide to go get something to eat. Of course you have to purchase food there since you can't bring your own in with you and the cost is outrageous! $26.50 for a hotdog, 2 pretzels, nachos, popcorn and 2 bottles of water (of course they don't have anything that I should be eating (I had to throw out my almonds and protein bars on the way in) so I eat a pretzel...a big NO NO but I am starving at this point)! We also had one of Tyler's friends with us (he is living with us right now).

I am also told that we can't exit the building for any reason or we will not be allowed back in...so if you smoke you are out of luck because you can't go outside...(yes, I have been smoking again but I managed to take this news in stride...lol)!

After waiting in line for 30 minutes or so we sit down to eat and hear "Please get back to your seats...it's very important that you get back to your seats immediately"...so we head back in.

They finally get everyone situated again and explain that auditions are on hold so they can do some more filming for the show; with a special guest...Ryan Seacrest. Of course the crowd (mostly women but also some gay men) go nuts when he comes out! He actually seems to be a very nice guy (signing autographs and having his picture taken with fans) but he is very tiny...or so he seemed to be from where I was sitting.

So they do the filming with Ryan and it takes forever...LOL! They finally start auditions back up again and Tyler and his friend realize that one of their friends from school who was sitting in a section close to ours is now down on the floor in line to audition...he somehow got down there BEFORE it was time for his section to audition. They decide to investigate so off they go with their tickets and their registration papers...(side note: I had to be there with them because they are minors...we spent time yesterday getting documents notarized so that I could be the "guardian" for Tyler's friend AJ for the day for his audition).

Tyler texts me a little while later and explains that his friends brother helped them out by exchanging their tickets with some parents who were sitting in the section that was up next to audition so that they had the correct "section" tickets to be in the next group to audition...I had to laugh at that...even though they "butted" in line! By this time it was close to noon and I had been up since 3 am and I was desperately in need of coffee!!!

So, up until this time Tyler being Tyler had been very quit, sleeping when he could and pretty much acting like a bump on a log...not getting excited about the group shots or anything. I kept wondering if he was just nervous. I had asked him a few times what song he was going to sing and he kept saying he wasn't sure...LOL...typical teenager. So I am a little nervous when I finally see him down on the floor in line for his audition...I text him and tell him to "look them in the eye" when he sings because he tends to get really nervous when he performs...even when he is on stage with the high school choir I can see his face get red and I can tell how nervous he is.

When his group of 4 finally gets up to the table to audition he is of course at a table that I can't see from where I am sitting because the black curtain is blocking my view (bummer!) I had a very limited view of his group but could not see him when he actually sang. I watched as his group of 4 stepped up to the table after they had completed their audition and I was sad to watch as Tyler DID NOT receive a golden ticket. I was bummed but I also knew that he would be okay with it...he seemed so blaze' about the whole thing...he doesn't show me his emotions very often...but I knew he was okay with the outcome.

Tyler (in the blue striped shirt) and his friend AJ (in the glasses) standing in line for their audition. I didn't get very good pictures today...every time I tried to take a picture of Tyler he would turn away. I took this one from way across the room and had to really ZOOM in to get it but I think Tyler knew I was trying to take pictures because he wouldn't look my way and he kept his water bottle up by his face...what a turkey!!!

I headed out to meet Tyler and AJ (he didn't make it either). When I asked Tyler what the producer had said to him about his audition he said that she told him that he sang really well but that he was too nervous (who isn't at a time like that?). He told me that she said that she could see how much his arms were shaking...I actually thought that was kind of an odd thing to say.

As we were driving home I tried to pry more details out of him about it (he honestly is difficult to talk to sometimes...it's like pulling teeth!). We were discussing how weird the whole process was (the tables, the groups of 4, auditioning in that huge room full of people) and we wondered how many of the "awful" singers got golden tickets (you know who they are...the ones that are hideous and we all love to watch their auditions)! Tyler mentioned how the producer had said to him "You sang well but I can't put you on TV because you act like you don't really care"...or something along those lines...she also mentioned that he needed to work on his "stage presence". (One more side note: when Tyler was younger; around age 8 to 10 or so, he would clasp his hands in front of his chest and sing "Figaro, Figaro, Fi..ga..ro!!" in his best opera voice for anyone who would listen and he NEVER got embarrased...I don't remember exactly when this changed but the last few years he turns beet red when he sings in front of a crowd...but he really does love to sing!).

So...I know this was a long post but that was our American Idol experience. All in all I am glad he at least tried (even though I was not looking forward to the long day). I am even glad he "butted" in line...it meant we were done and on our way home by 1:00 pm...LOL!!!

Oh...and I ate horribly today but I will get back on track tomorrow. It's been a busy few days and the rest of the week is not looking any better but I am going to try my hardest to get to the gym at least twice this week!

WHEW...Happy Tuesday...and I promise my next post won't be this long!!!! :-)

Survey

I saw this on Beth's blog and thought I would steal it since I'm sure these are questions you are all dying to know the answers to!!!

1) Name something you have in common with all of your siblings? We all have the same parents, we are all married (with the most recent wedding of my little sis Anna a few weeks ago).

2) Do you fold your underwear? Yes...I fold everyone's underwear in our house! LOL

3) Do you like to drink the juice out of otter pops? I don't eat Otter Pops since surgery but when I did...yes...I drank the juice although I preferred popsicles on a stick to Otter Pops!

4) Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper? The IRS...although they aren't really a person are they?

5) What was your first job? Besides the chores we did at home and all the babysitting growing up...Dixie Frozen Yogurt when I was 14 years old...I LOVED working there cause I loved their frozen yogurt! I used to go there even after I didn't work there anymore...until they finally closed down years later.

6) Aside from Driver's Ed, who really taught you how to drive? When I was 14 my boyfriend was 17 and he taught me to drive his VW Rabbit. It was a stick shift so I learned to drive one of those first.

7) What's the one thing you love/miss about your Grandma's cooking? She served bread and butter at every single meal...I loved that!

8) What color is your favorite hoodie? I was always too fat for hoodies and now that I am thinner it's the wrong time of year...so I dont't have one.

9) Name a sound that disturbs you? My kids saying "Mom"..."Mom"..."Mom", over and over and over when I am on the phone or talking to someone.

10) What's your typical ice cream order at Dairy Queen? I don't eat ice cream but before surgery it was a Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard...oh how I miss them!

11) What do you think of when you hear the word cabbage? Coleslaw.

12) What did you do today? Took my son to get his wristband and ticket to audition for American Idol tomorrow.

13) What did you do last night? Unpacked from our camping trip, took a shower, watched TV and went to bed.

14) Do you have a cell phone? Yes...it has my whole life on it! Sad but true!

15) Are you emotional? Um...YEAH...overboard on the emotions!

16) Have you ever had the same dream more than once? Yes, the one where I am at school and can't remember my locker combination...weird!

17) Name a song that makes you happy? Too many to choose just one...

18) Do you use chap stick? When I don't have anything else for my lips then yes.

19) What was the most recent thing you bought? A drink and beef jerky for Tyler at the 7-11.

20) What is on your refrigerator door? Pictures that people send with Christmas cards, lots and lots of magnets, a family birthday list, a birthday invitation, etc.

21) Name something you have to do tomorrow? Sit on my butt all day long at the Energy Solutions Center waiting for Tyler's turn to try out for American Idol.

22) What was the last movie you watched? Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on the way home from camping yesterday.

23) Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? Neither

24) When was the last time you had Starbucks? This morning.

25) Can you whistle? Yes but it's very off tune.

26) Do you have a trampoline at your house? Yep.

27) What movie do you know every line to? Steel Magnolias

28) Do you maintain any friendships originating from elementary school? Nope...I'm not even friends with anyone from high school...not sure why...

29) What are you wearing? Cut off sweats and a tank top. My wardrobe is pretty limited these days...I shrink out of of clothes pretty fast as I lose weight so my wardrobe is very small.

30) What was the last thing you ate? Some pistachios.

31) Do you take pills daily of any sort? OMG...if you saw the pile of vitamins I take everyday you would choke just looking at it! I can't even name them all with out pulling out a written list of them!

32) When was the last time you did the dishes? About 3 hours ago...I don't have a dishwasher so I wash them by hand every single day of my life for the last 7 years!

33) How much sleep did you get last night? 8 hours...I crashed hard last night after our camping trip.

34) Do you own any band t-shirts? Um...Nope!

35) Last song you sang out loud? Can't remember...whatever was on the radio in the car today...LOL!

36) When was the last time you slept on the floor? Not recently enough to remember...although the bed in our camp trailer would just about qualify.

37) Would you chew gum that's already been chewed? Why would anyone?

38) Who have you talked to today? Rio, all 3 of my sisters, my mom, my kids, they registration guy at American Idol, the clerk at 7-11.

39) What comes to your mind when I say pumpkins? Pie.

40) Color of your shirt? Black

41) How old are you? 37...too old!

42) What is your background on your computer? Plain purple with the words "Margo loves Rio" that flash randomly...ahhh...so cute!

And there you have it...all my secrets...Enjoy! :-)

5 mile hike and sliding on glaciers...

87 lbs lost; 23 lbs to go to hit my goal!

I started back to the gym last week and even though I was only able to go 3 days it helped kick start my weight loss again. I had been stalled for about a month!

For the 24th of July weekend we went to Great Basin National Park with Rio's family; camping at Wheeler Peak (10,000 feet elevation). We went on a tour of Lehman's caves...very cool!

This is a picture of the inside of Lehman's cave. It is very interesting and the 60 minute tour was pretty fascinating although a little claustaphobic for me at some points.

The biggest thing was our 5 mile hike...yes, FIVE miles! We hiked up another 1200 feet in elevation to a glacier. I seriously had no intention of going on the hike...I have never liked to hike but everyone else was going (even my 62 year old mother in law and the little 4, 5 and 6 year old kids!)...so I went. It wasn't the funnest thingI've ever done although we had a great time sliding down the snow on trash bags when we reached the glacier! The best part for me was that I was actually able to do the entire 5 miles...and it was steep! If this trip had taken place last year at this time I would not have even considered the hike...I never would have made it anyway carrying around all that extra weight! So although it wasn't my favorite thing...I am proud that I was able to make the hike and even had a pretty good time!

This is the top of Wheeler Peak...we hiked up to this glacier...it was very nice up there!

Me and Tessa walking up the snow so she can slide down on her trashbag. The little boy on the left is my nephew Logan who decided to slide down without the aid of a trashbag...LOL!

Colton and Tessa as they arrive at the bottom of the snow on their trash bag!

Tomorrow is an exciting day...I get to sit at the Energy Solutions Center ALL DAY long waiting for my son's turn to try out for American Idol! He is a minor so I have to be there with him all day! As exciting as it is that he is trying out I have such a hard time with the fact that I have to sit there all day long doing nothing!!! I do plan to take some good books and hopefully I will get alot of reading done! I'll keep you posted!!!

Happy Monday!!!

Oregon coast...and Goonies!!!

It's the GOONIES house!!! If you haven't seen the movie Goonies you are missing out! It was one of our favorites when we were growing up and my kids love it too!!!










Me and my little sister, Anna, July 12th at Cannon Beach, OR. I was the MATRON of honor...who wants to be called a matron? YUCK!











Cannon Beach, OR...WOW!

We had such a FANTASTIC time in Oregon last week. It was ALOT of hours in the car but we split it into 2 days there and 2 days back. Tyler (who is 17) is too cool to hang with his family for a week (and he had football) so he did not go. Rio, Colton, Tessa and I left Tuesday, July 8th in the afternoon and reached Seaside, OR on Wednesday afternoon (we stayed overnight in Le Grande, OR).

We stayed in the cutest little house 2 blocks from the beach at Seaside, OR. Two of my sisters and their families and my mom stayed in the house next to ours and arrived about 15 mintues after we did. My 2 brothers originally were not going to be able to come but at the last minute they both decided to make the trip and they arrived on Friday afternoon. My dad arrived Friday as well and stayed with us. My brothers and their families stayed in the little hotel directly behind the houses we stayed in so we were all right there together (except for Anna, the bride, who stayed in Cannon Beach about 15 minutes away).

So...for Anna's wedding, all five of her siblings, 13 of her 14 neices and nephews and both of our parents were there...it's not often that we are all together in one place let alone for a few days at a time! Four of us and our dad live in Salt Lake; one sister and our mom live in St. George and the other sister lives in Elk Grove, CA (right outside Sacramento).

Anna's wedding on Cannon Beach on Saturday was so beautiful...other than the hike down to the beach (which wasn't as bad as the hike back UP in all that soft sand...talk about a calf workout)! It was a little chilly but it was so much fun we didn't notice too much! My mom and sisters did all the food (fabulous) and Bubba's (the groom) sister Kim did the cake...it was all so fabulous!

Now...for the bad part...I did not do well with my eating while we were gone. I found myself snacking or grazing while traveling (out of boredom) and I ate things like crackers or chips...things I should not be eating. It was very difficult to get all my water in because it's hard to have to pee every five minutes while we are driving down the road (I have the worlds smallest bladder...I swear)!

We were out and about so much with no real schedule that it was hard to stick to an eating schedule and then we ate out alot so sticking to correct portions was hard for me. All in all when I got home and weighed myself I was relieved to discover that I had not gained any weight...but I hadn't lost any either (I've been on a plateau for quite a few weeks now).

Brooke & Megan (my sisters) and I went walking each morning on the promenade by the beach so that was a good thing...it's easier to exercise when it's with someone else. I have since decided that I am going to sign back up for the gym (I lost my membership when I quit my job).

I figured out that a big part of the reason I hate exercise is because I hate to sweat...not because I'm prissy, I just hate the sweating part for some reason. But I do love to swim so I plan to sign up for the gym and do my cardio on the treadmill and then do some swimming each day. It will be nice to take Tessa to the daycare there so I don't have to figure out how to get my exercise in while taking care of her. If we go swimming together I obviously can't leave her alone so I can't swim laps with her there.

I also need to start working on toning up all the parts that are sagging from the weight loss (the bat wings (arms), the butt, the thighs, etc). There is no doubt that I will need plastic surgery on my abdomen...I doubt I will ever be able to tone that all up but I will certainly try to do my best with it over the next 12-18 months before I have any type of surgery. I also need to strengthen my core and my abs to alleviate my back pain. Even though I had surgery almost 5 years ago my back is still not very strong and I have constant pain.

Exercise should also help the depression and negativity issues I have been fighting since I quit my job to stay home full time. It's been more of an adjustment than I thought and I have really been struggling. I need to feel like I am making a difference and so far I don't. But that's just me thinking that I need to move mountains everyday...it doesn't happen and I need to learn to be more accepting of my daily accomplishments and less negative about the things I "think" I should have accomplished each day.

Thank to all of you who support me each and every day. I love you with all my heart!

Losing again...

83 lbs lost; 27 lbs to go to hit my goal!

My weight loss stalled for a few weeks, which is normal, but a little discouraging. I have lost 3-4 lbs a week for the past 2 weeks...yippee! I keep coming up with excuses not to exercise and the only person that hurts is me! My extreme dislike of exercise seems to be stronger than my yearning to be toned up...*sigh*!

My sister in law was at my house today so I asked her to take an updated photo of me. No I did not lose or cut off all my hair; it's just pulled up into a messy ponytail. I very rarely (if ever) allow pictures to be taken of me if I don't have my hair and make up done (yes, very vain) but I did today so don't let the picture scare you!

July 7th will be my 6 month "surgiversary". My pouch has been maturing and if I am so inclined I will be able to eat more than I do now...I'm a little worried. I am not known for my willpower (hence the need for surgery in the first place) and even at almost 6 months post op I don't always make the best food choices. Sometimes I wonder what in the hell is wrong with me that I can't seem to be stronger...other times I really try to remember that I get to be proud of what I have done so far and that I need to quit beating myself up about things. It's like dual personalities and they conflict with each other so much...or maybe, just maybe I am completely BONKERS!

I took Tessa swimming today in my new size 14 swimming suit (I just purchased a size 12 in pants and they are a little snug but they fit!!). I have the "tell tale" saggy skin from losing so much weight so quickly and my "apron" (abdominal skin that sags!) is still an issue but all in all I felt pretty good in my swimming suit. Okay, okay, I still wear the bottoms that have a skirt but I'm telling you the smaller size the suit the shorter the skirt...LOL!!!

I get compliments from so many people on my weight loss...it's still hard to accept compliments but I think I do better accepting them now than I ever have before...I am a work in progress.

A few weekends ago Rio and I were walking into the movie theatre and Rio proceeded to tell me that he had been watching a guy that had been watching me. I kept telling him there is no way a guy was looking at me but he says he notices guys looking at me all the time. I don't take any notice of it so it's funny to me that he notices (or thinks he does anyway). It just so happens that Rio can be a little jealous...which makes me feel good but has always made me laugh because I have no interest in anyone but him.

This surgery has been difficult for him in different ways than it has been for me. He see's me changing so drastically; physically; and feeling better about myself and he worries that I will lose interest in him (won't happen). I am married to the absolute best man in the world and I NEVER thought that my surgery would affect us the way it has. Just goes to show you that no one is immune.

Happy 4th of July (in a few days)! Next week we are off to Oregon for my little sisters wedding. I didn't get my bat wings all toned up so I would look great in my "matron of honor" dress but it's ok. One day, one hour, one minute at a time...I'm doing what I can each day and I am okay with where I am!

Hugs to you all!

Being home...

79 lbs lost, 31 lbs to go to hit my goal!

I got a scathing email from my friend Pattie today (ok, it wasn't really scathing...lol) telling me that she keeps checking this site for updates and wondering why I haven't posted updates since I have more free time now a days...now that's funny (and I know Pattie knows I don't have more free time these days...haha)! Unfortunately I don't have any updated full body pictures right now. I will try to remember to have someone take some soon.

Tessa and I had some pictures taken the other day at the Target portrait studio. You can go to this link https://www.thesmilestation.com/home.asp?AC=LTTT0889103293TAR to view them. When the page opens up, under Guest Name type in Lisa Bremer. Some of these pictures are of Tessa and her best friend Eve (they look alot alike). Eve's mom works at Target photo studio so she did these pictures for us. I don't particularly like the pictures of me because you can see every little crack, line and crevice in my face but I did order some of them since Tessa and I have never had our pictures taken by ourselves before.

Being home is tough! I thought I would have all the time in the world to exercise and whip my kids into shape...not so much! I'm lucky to get in one workout a week and the kids are still walking all over me! "Baby steps...baby steps...baby steps"! I have to keep reminding myself that changes don't always happen overnight. I had to make an appointment with the life coach last week just to get a better feel for what the hell I'm doing (or want to be doing). Poor Kim (lifecoach) has to keep reminding me that I'm a good person, a good mother, a good wife and that I am too hard on myself (I know...I know...aren't we all?).

I am struggling with some depression with the changes in my daily routine. It's harder to stay away from the food when I'm home with it all day. I don't always make the best choices but I'm doing ok and I try not to beat myself up about it. I must be having some PMS this week because all I want to do is sleep and cry! I love being a hormonal woman!!!! :-)

I keep having to step back and ask myself why I expect myself to be perfect? I've been in counseling numerous times over the years and I know that NO ONE is perfect; least of all me. For some reason in the back of my head I had this idea that I wasn't really acknowledging that said that all the things I wanted to accomplish when I quit working would be completed in the first few days and then my life would be perfect...didn't happen (of course)! I try every day to remind myself that I am making progress every day and that I am accomplishing something everyday but it's hard to sell myself on these things sometimes!

My kids are a huge issue for me right now; especially the boys. They are older and kind of set in their ways (our fault) and trying to tell them "No" when I've always said "Yes" is very difficult for me. I don't want my kids to hate me so I give in...I always have...and in the process I have crippled them in so many ways....UGH!!!

Anyway, I'm a little emotional right now so I will sign off for now. Thanks to all my friends, family and loved ones for their support. I love you all!